Page 64 of A Christmas For Holly

“Not even Bailey?” My words were clipped.

He frowned. “Bailey pushed me out of the door because in his words, I was ‘fretting’ like a kid missing his best friend during Christmas break.”

“Oh, cool.” What else could I say?

“How’s life been?” he asked, his tone casual, though I could feel the weight of the question.

“Different,” I said, keeping my eyes on the timer as baking smells filled the cabin. “Quiet.”

He nodded but didn’t push, shifting his stance as he crossed one ankle over the other. “And since the player support program? The rehab? Are you doing okay?”

“Better,” I said, though it came out more clipped than intended. “Mostly.”

Kai hummed softly, clearly not convinced, but he let it slide. I focused on the cookies as if I needed to watch them melt, spread, and turn brown. He didn’t say anything else for a while, letting the silence stretch as I made the coffee and tried to stop my hands trembling with the effort of holding myself together. This wasn’t like before—this wasn’t a panic attack—this was fear and a desperate need to make sure Kai knew I wasn’t a bad guy, that I owed him for getting me to help, and that I was sorry about everything I’d felt.

And then, before I could stop myself, I blurted it out.

“I blamed Bailey for you leaving the team. Kissed Lucas at your wedding and then threatened him never to tell anyone.”

The words hit the air like a thunderclap, loud and jarring, and for a second, Kai just blinked at me, stunned. His expression shifted from shock to something unreadable, and he slowly moved to the sofa, sitting down with a deliberate calmness that made my stomach churn.

“I loved Bailey way before I left the team,” he reminded me.

“I know.”

“But you’re gonna need to expand on the Lucas thing.”

“Shit.”

“Want to start from the beginning?” His voice was steady but firm, and it caused my chest to tighten.

I swallowed hard, wiping my hands on a towel as I turned to face him. “What I thought about Bailey wasn’t real,” I said quickly, the words tumbling out in a rush. “It was all in my head. I never really thought that—never truly believed it.”

Kai didn’t interrupt. He watched me with his sharp, knowing gaze, waiting for me to continue.

I exhaled—shaky—gripping the edge of the counter. “I hated seeing you happy, Kai. You and Bailey. It wasn’t fair, but at that time, it felt like you left me to deal with everything at the team while you moved on with your life. But I knew it wasn’t true. I knew it wasn’t your fault, Bailey’s, or anyone’s. But it was easier to put it on you than to admit I was falling apart.”

My voice cracked, and I looked away, staring at the tray of cookies that needed to be removed from the oven. I yanked them out, cursing when the oven glove shifted and burned my finger. Then I deflated and sank to the chair in the kitchen, and he moved to take the one opposite at the tiny table.

“I’m glad you told me,” Kai said.

“Lucas warned me not to tell you, and please don’t tell Bailey.”

“I don’t keep secrets from my husband,” Kai warned, then sighed. “But in this case, I think he already knew.”

“Shit. He did?”

“You’ve never made an effort to get to know him, and he’s sensitive to other people’s criticism, whether they say the words or walk the walk.”

I died a little inside. “I’ll change. I’m working on it. I’m trying to stop the impulse to self-destruct.”

“And you kissed Lucas.”

“I did.”

“But he kissed you back.”

“No. Yes. Fuck.” I bit into a piping-hot cookie and had instant regrets when it burned my tongue. “I don’t remember, I mean,I do, but fuck… this is hard. He said he kissed me back, but it shocked him, and then, of course, I started throwing around threats about what I’d do if people found out he’d kissed me.”

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