Page 25 of A Christmas For Holly

Still, as he’d unpacked my things with that calm, deliberate care, I saw it in his eyes—quiet compassion. And in that stupid moment, I’d wanted a hug more than I needed to keep my pride. But instead, I’d stood there, wishing I could let go and tell him everything—about the wedding, my anger, the kiss. I should’ve apologized, but I didn’t. I’d watched him, steady as ever, as if he was trying to piece me back together in silence.

And now, two days later, with Kai and Bailey still sick and my head still spinning, I was drowning in all the things I hadn’t done nor said. I’d let Lucas walk out of that door, and I’d done nothing to explain, nothing to set things right. The regret gnawed at me, sharp and constant, and I couldn’t shake it. He’d messaged me twice, asking if I was okay, and twice I’d ignored him. So, instead of messages, I was now getting a string of images, memes, and gifs that asked things in their own way.

The one I looked at the most? A teddy offering hugs.

For fuck’s sake.

He said I needed Christmas in the cabin, told me I needed a tree, and added many other things to his list. I tried not to feel like he was judging me for what I was doing in my splendid isolation.

What was his problem? Why wouldn’t he leave me alone?

And why was I constantly headed out to the car to get that single damn bar to download what he’d sent?

I was losing my shit.

On day three after his visit, feeling the drag of being alone forced me out of the cabin and into town. So much for rest and keeping my head down, but I had no signal or new books downloaded on my e-reader, and the television had about three channels that worked. I debated taking the car, but I didn’t have snow chains, and even with snow tires, I didn’t want to chance my luck with the soft banks forming on the bends and sides of the road.

“Get out of the house,” I told myself and the toaster I was staring at. Given this wasn’t a Disney movie, I didn’t get a reply, but the idiocy of talking to inanimate objects had me bundling up and walking the half an hour or so, door-to-door, all downhill into town.

The crunch of snow under my boots was the only sound, crisp and sharp, in the stillness of the morning. I was halfway downthe trail when I noticed the same little chickadee from earlier, flitting from branch to branch just a few steps ahead of me. Its black cap and tiny frame were unmistakable, a little puff of feathers hopping along like it had somewhere important to be.

“Good morning,” I said, feeling slightly ridiculous but saying it anyway. After all, I’d already talked to my toaster. The bird cocked its head at me before fluttering to a lower branch, close enough for me to see the white edges of its tiny wings.

I stopped, watching it for a moment. It chirped once, a quick, bright sound, and then flitted further down the path as if daring me to keep up. I couldn’t help but laugh under my breath.

“You following me now?” I asked. “Or are we just walking the same way?”

The bird hopped to another branch, this one higher, shaking loose a slight dusting of snow. It drifted to the ground, soft and quiet, and I shook my head, feeling strangely comforted by its presence.

“All right, I’ll take that as a yes,” I murmured, continuing down the path. The chickadee stayed close, flitting ahead, doubling back, and chirping occasionally as if it had something important to say.

Should I get some bird food? They had those little seed balls at the hardware store, didn’t they? Or was there a special kind of feeder they’d need? I’d check in town. It wouldn’t hurt to leave something out, especially with how cold it had been.

The thought stuck with me as I walked, the bird still dancing from branch to branch above me. It wasn’t much, but maybe having it around made the mountain feel less empty.

That and Lucas visiting.

My breath puffed out in white clouds, the cold biting my cheeks as I walked along the snow-covered path. As I reached town, I had my first look at Wishing Tree in the snow since I’d been there for Kai’s wedding. Back then, I’d been too wrappedup in my bullshit, too focused on the fact I was losing everything to appreciate the surroundings. I’d been wallowing in self-pity, getting drunk, and talking shit instead of celebrating Kai’s love story.

Of course, I’d seen the town in the summer in previous years, one-night stays to visit Kai, usually on the way to somewhere else. Still, it had a different vibe as soon as it became Christmas central, and today, my view of the town was different. It was quiet, although tourists were milling about, drawn by the promise of early Christmas magic despite the fact it wasn’t even Thanksgiving yet. The whole place was something out of a Christmas card, with its quaint, snow-covered streets and festive decorations.

In the center of it all was the giant oak tree, a carved sign announcing it was theWishing Tree. Its branches were heavy with ribbons where people had hung their wishes, and I paused, watching as the ribbons fluttered in the breeze. What would I wish for if I gave in to the cutesy marketing?

Maybe for my brain to figure its shit out?

I’m not puttingthaton paper where someone else could see it. I remembered Kai reading and then keeping Bailey’s wish like a talisman. Something that personal being in someone else’s hands scared the hell out of me. The media would have a field day, and all those years of hard work of allowing the world to see me a certain way would be eroded even more.

I bypassed the honesty box and the small line of kids and stopped to get my bearings. First, I wanted to check in with Kai and see if he was okay and if I had full bars of service. They might be well enough that I could visit. Along with more messages from Lucas checking in with me—for god’s sake, I didn’t need dancing trees on my phone—there were a few from Kai asking me to call when I could, and he’d make the most effort ever to stay alive so he could talk to me.

Hashtag dramatic best friend.

HOLLY: Hi!

It seemed like a safe way to start.

KAI: Hey! He lives! Lucas said he saw you! Are you doing okay?

HOLLY: I should be asking you that. How are you feeling?

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