That wasn’t the case with me.
“It’s nothing,” I insisted, focusing on tamping down the transfiguration until my hands and fingers looked normal again. My senses returned to me slowly, my energy centering, and that’s when I felt the pain. Sharp pinpricks of pain beneath my skin like my nerves were mad at me for what I’d done. “It’s a stress response.”
“Do not lie to me.”
“I’m not.”
The soft breeze wafting off of Juno, part of her heritage, turned into a gale blowing the hair away from my face with such force I had to close my eyes.
“Start talking, Miss Alderidge.Now.”
I winced and didn’t look down at my hands again. I kept my gaze on Juno, waiting for the condemnation to come. I saw only anger.
My head was so dizzy I feared I might black out, my heart rate too quick, and the rest of me responding to the adrenaline racing through my blood. “It’s going to be a long story. A long and stressful story.”
“I don’t care. We have all the time in the world as long as you are honest with me,” Juno stated. She squared her shoulders, losing a bit of the animosity but not enough to make me comfortable. “Take a seat. I’ll make some more tea. I seem to have accidentally spilled this pot.”
I didn’t want tea, even though my mouth was suddenly desert-dry and my stomach had plummeted like an anchor into the ocean. How did I find myself in these messes? Why couldn’t I control myself better? I had to learn, no matter how tired, to watch my magic because this kind of mistake was a rookie move. Now I had to trust someone else not to turn me in, someone who didn’t know me and didn’t have any investment in me.
I deserved this, I thought miserably, plopping into the chair as my trembling knees refused to hold me up any longer. Whatever punishment or harsh words Juno wanted to throw at me, I deserved all of it. Because I couldn’t handle myself, couldn’t control my own powers. Somehow, I had to make it right.
So I took the leap of faith and came clean with her. Abouteverything. From start to finish I told Juno the story of my past, without leaving out any details, and watching for her reactions while she simply stared at me. However the anger was no longer there on her face, and the condemnation never came, though I clearly saw the war waging inside of her.
Juno tapped her fingers on the desktop and the spring breeze around her grew in strength for a moment. I shook at the chill before it settled.
“Look, I know you don’t know me,” I continued, staring down at my lap, “but please don’t turn me in to the king.” I spoke louder than was wise. “I’ve done everything I can to make it here and escape an intolerable home situation. Don’t bother telling me I shouldn’t be alive. I know, and I…” I wanted to bury my face in my hands but I refused to break eye contact. “I’m trying.”
Juno sat back in the chair, her legs tucked under her. “I admit I’m stuck, Tavi. I feel like I’m stuck between a good student in need of help and what I perceive as my duty as a teacher and a member of this community. I would be remiss to not inform the Elite Academy of your heritage.”
“No!” I surged forward, gripping the edge of the desk. “Please! I have nowhere else to go.”
My terror must have shown on my face because Juno winced.
“What do you expect me to do?” she argued. “You’ve put me in a terrible position. This is not how I wanted my day to turn out. And I’m sure this isn’t the future you had in mind when you escaped to Faerie, either. I…I don’t know. Honestly, I’m going to need a little time to think this over and decide on the best course of action.”
“Please. I’mbeggingyou, Juno. Give me some time to prove my worth. Please don’t send me right back into Kendrick Grimaldi’s hands. I would rather die a thousand times in the Trials than marry him.” My chest tightened to the point of pain.
She stared at me for a long moment, apparently trying to figure out what to say. There were no words. My heart rose into my throat and threatened to choke me. I couldn’t draw air into my lungs as I waited for her response. As though everything inside of me hung in the balance waiting on what Juno would say.
At last she sighed, and the air stilled around us. “Tavi…all right, I’ll give you some time. I will give you whatever I can. However, you need to make this work. You need to make the effort and master not only these Trials, but work on controlling your secret power of transfiguration, too. If the Trials don’t kill you—”
A grim nod. “At this point I’m not even counting on surviving,” I admitted. Funny, saying it out loud didn’t have nearly as much impact as saying it in my head.
“Well…huh. Well. Okay. If the Trials don’t kill you, then having your secret come to light just might.”
I nodded and barely suppressed a shudder. “I will do whatever it takes. I already have been, haven’t I?” My hands curled into fists on my lap and I made sure to leave the cup of tea where I’d set it down. Otherwise I’d break it into dust. “I’m doing the best I can. Okay?”
“I see it. Trust me, I see it, no matter what I said when I tried to push you. I’m simply not sure how long you can keep this up without breaking. But your secret is safe with me.For now.” Juno held out her hand for me to take and shake.
Half dragging myself from the room, I cut a path toward the castle, picking out details of the town—a certain oddly shaped brick here, or a secret walkway between buildings there. Anything to distract me from what had just happened. I observed more of the town today than I had my entire time here. Maybe that was good, I reasoned. If things went even farther south, if I needed to plan an escape route, then memorizing the town layout might save me.
I was still doing my transfiguration classes with Onyx Grimaldi twice a week, and after that slip-up in front of Juno I had to make an appearance tonight. Although I’d rather sit in a dentist’s chair for hours having each of my teeth pulled without anesthesia, I had no choice. I must learn to master all my powers or I would never survive, either in this realm or the mortal one.
Maybe Onyx would have some sage advice on what to do to control myself.
Although I had to work in the kitchen, I cut my time short, doing whatever I could in two hours before taking off to meet Onyx in the forest behind the castle. We had our own secret spot, a place where the trees cleared and the moon shone down brightly. It was the place he’d first taken me when we began meeting and as he’d told me the first night, this was a thin place. I found I had a soft spot for the trees, the boulders, the vibrations. They helped ground me inside my body when nothing else did.
I scanned the forest for Onyx but didn’t see him until I tripped over an exposed root and found myself sprawled on the ground on my back.