Page 115 of Just This Once

Xander coughed a laugh into her fist, and her eyes watered as she admitted, “I think I might puke.”

Alec nudged her water toward her, and she swiped it up without any additional prompting. Nina quickly followed suit, and within moments, all three of them were chugging together liberally, only to pause and giggle over the whole experience.

They were so freaking cute together.

It assured me that they’d be okay after I was gone. My baby brother had people who’d be there for him; he’d be just fine. But watching them also made a sliver of pain pierce my chest. I wanted to say I was going to miss this, but I wasn’t going to be missing much of anything, was I?

I swallowed thickly and set my spoon down, suddenly losing my appetite.

As if her spidey mom senses had been activated, Nina glanced over.

Reading all the pain in my eyes, she set a hand against her chest and said, “Hope dear, do you think you could assist me with something in the bathroom for a minute?”

She looked ill enough as she made the request that Alec straightened in worry. “You okay, Mom?”

“Oh…yes. Of course.” She laughed a little at herself as she pushed her way to her feet. “It’s nothing Hope can’t help me with.”

“Okay,” her worried son murmured in confusion before sending me a questioning glance. I waved an unconcerned hand, letting him know I could handle this, and he relaxed, only toglance at Xander and realize he was about to be left alone with her.

His eyes flared briefly, so I set a hand on his shoulder as I passed by to follow his mother, squeezing to let him know he’d be okay.

“What’s wrong?” I asked Nina as soon as I followed her into the quiet and overly fancy bathroom.

Instead of confessing some malady she was experiencing, she pulled me into another hug. “I just thought you should know, Liz called me.”

I jerked right back out of her arms.

She nodded sadly. “Last Monday. Probably the moment you boarded the plane to Westport.”

“I—” I blinked, confused, and shook my head. “I didn’t realize you two still spoke.”

With a mirthful laugh, she answered, “Not if we can help it. But I think she was worried.” She winced in apology. “She told me everything.”

When she gripped my arm in support, I heaved in a deep breath that lifted my shoulders and made my chest hurt.

“Oh,” I mumbled, seeing vague black spots in my vision.

“Honey, why haven’t you told Alec yet?”

“I don’t—” I shrugged lamely and felt my chin tremble. But I refused to cry, so I sucked all the sad shit back in and lifted my shoulders to pull myself back together. “I don’t want to upset him,” I started. “I don’t want to worry him. I just—I want to finish this on a good note. You know? I want to live the rest of my life…living. Not just dying.”

When she squeezed my hand supportively, I grimaced at her. “You think I should tell him, don’t you?”

She smiled sadly, and a couple of tears collected in her eyes. “I really do. It’s going to kill him when he finally learns the truth.He’s going to wish he had appreciated the time he had with you more. He’s going to resent you for not telling him sooner.”

I laughed unsteadily and then looked away, clearing my throat which had gone raw. “No one appreciates their time with me as much as Alec does. I don’t know how he could appreciate itmore.”

“Sweetie, he deserves to know.”

“I just—” I shook my head. “I can’t,” I pleaded to her with my eyes. “If he knew, I could no longer pretend it’s not happening. It’d turn real.”

She sighed in disagreement but then nodded. “I understand. I really do. I get it. I still wish you’d tell him, but I’ll respect your wishes not to.”

“Thank you,” I croaked and opened my arms for another hug. “Thank you so much.”

“Oh, honey,” she sobbed, stepping into my arms readily. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Squeezing her tighter, I wished my own mother could’ve been more like her.

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