Page 158 of Just This Once

“You justwhat?” he snapped. “You never think about the consequences of your actions, do you? You never care who you’re going to hurt? You—dammit, Hope. I don’t even knowhow to deal with you. I can’t—” He broke off to shake his head and give up on me entirely. I’m surprised he didn’t just stand up and leave right then.

“I didn’t think it’d hurt anyone,” I admitted softly. “I was just curious. Whenever he’s around, I—I just feel so…alive. I just wanted to know if—” When I shook my head and glanced away, Thane prodded softly.

“If what?”

He sounded as if he truly wanted to understand, so I turned back to him. “It wasn’t supposed to mean anything,” I swore. “It was just supposed to be that one time, so I could see what it was like. But?—”

“But one time turned into two, huh?” Thane guessed. “And now you’re constantly sneaking around behind Alec’s back?”

When I winced and admitted, “I think Parker might be starting to care about me too,” Thane only sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

“Of course, he would. He couldn’t just fall for someone completely appropriate and acceptable. No. Not Parker.” A second later, he slapped his palms onto the table and met my worried gaze. “Well, then there’s only one thing to do at this point. You have to tell Alec.”

“That’s not—” I shook my head and looked away again, and my eyes started to tear up. “Parker’s already suggested that. That’s not even what I’m worried about. There’s more, and it’s worse.” Turning to meet Thane’s confused frown, I admitted, “It’s so much worse.”

“You’re pregnant,” he guessed, already groaning out his disappointment.

But I shook my head. “I’m dying.”

Thane’s eyes flashed up, and he stared at me without emotion before whispering, “Your liver?”

I nodded. “It’s shot, and I’m out of time. And I just wanted to live a little,” I told him as I began to wring my hands. “I wanted to experience all the things I’d never done but wanted to do. And Parker was on the list and—and?—”

“Jesus, Hope,” Thane croaked, staring at me in a way that let me know I’d messed up beyond any redemption.

“I know,” I choked out and wiped my eyes. “And I swear, I really, honestly didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal. I mean, the way Parker goes through women, I didn’t think one insignificant night with me would mean anything to him. He’s never stayed with a girl for a full month before. Why would anything be different forme? He was just supposed to give me the experience I wanted and move on. Why the hell didn’t he want to move on? No one’severfallen for me. I have been dumped by every single guy I’ve ever been with. No one loves me. So I had no delusion thatParkerof all people would ever actually care. He wasnotsupposed to care.”

My hands were shaking as I lifted them to sop up all the wetness on my cheeks. “Out of everyone in the seven, he deals with loss the hardest. He shouldn’t have to go through this. I never should’ve put him in this kind of situation. And I don’t—I don’t know how to fix it.” Lifting my face to look Thane in the eyes, I begged, “How do I fix it?”

Across from me, Thane sat there looking shaken to the core. Finally, he cleared his throat. “So you, uh, you haven’t told him? You haven’t told anyone?”

I cringed. “I haven’t told Alec,” I admitted. “I didn’t want him to get super depressed beforehand, or—I don’t know. He’s going to be sad enough when I’m gone. I just—I wanted to delay that for him for as long as I could. There’s nothing he could do at this point, anyway, but worry. And I don’t want to worry him. I just want to spend what time I have leftnearhim.”

Thane nodded as if he understood before he choked out, “And Parker?”

My bottom lip trembled. “I told him my liver was failing again. But I kind of…embellished the timeframe I had left. So he’s under the impression that there’s still plenty of time to heal me.” With a watery laugh, I wiped my eyes. “He even offered to get tested to see if he could be a compatible donor, so we’ll probably do that tomorrow. But…” I shook my head. “With my blood type, there’s only, like, a ten percent chance of that happening.”

“How much time did you tell him you had?”

I shrugged one shoulder and glanced away guiltily. “Less than five years.”

His eyes bugged. “Shit. How much time do youactuallyhave?”

“Significantlylessthan that,” I alluded.

“Jesus, Hope,” he repeated, but this time he looked more sympathetic, and he reached across the table to take my hand in support as his eyes watered. “I’m so sorry.”

I squeezed his fingers gratefully, only to ask, “You don’t know how to fix this, do you?”

He shook his head. “I really don’t. I’m sorry. At this point, it sounds as if he’s going to be shattered no matter what.”

I sobbed, hating that.

Thane covered our clasped hands with his free palm. “But I’m a huge proponent of telling the truth. Just tell him everything, darlin’. If he’s going to be hurt anyway, at least he won’t have to feel deceived and lied to while he’s at it. Alec too. Honesty is always the best answer.”

“Even if it’s devastating?” I asked.

He shrugged. “In my experience, everything hurts. Devastation is inevitable. But lies from the people closest to you leave cuts that are harder to heal.”

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