Page 52 of Just This Once

“Excuse me?” I shook my head, confused. “What’re you talking about?”

Of course, it was bullshit.

“I stayed,” he said. “I stayed in Westport with you guys. And she—she left. But I could’ve gone with her. I could’ve?—”

“And she could’ve stayed,” I countered.

“No,” he insisted. “She didn’t get accepted into Haverick. She?—”

“She could’ve waited a semester and tried again,” I countered. “Or she could’venotgone to college at all.”

“Damn, Park,” he groaned. “If you say she could’ve busied herself in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant, I will disown you.”

“Fuck, you know I don’t meanthatkind of shit. I’m just saying, you could’ve gone, she could’ve stayed, but you both did what was best for each of you.”

“But did I?” he countered. “What if following her to Texas A&M would’ve been the best thing for me too?”

“I don’t understand,” I admitted.

“I didn’t choose her.” His voice broke as he admitted it as if it were his biggest, guiltiest sin ever.

“Bro.” I shook my head. “She broke up withyouand left. You didn’t get a choice in the situation.”

“Except I could’ve gone after her. I could’ve—I don’t know. Things had changed with her in those last few months, and I didn’t—I could’vedonesomething, paid more attention to her and found out what was wrong. I could’ve fucking followed her wherever she went. And I didn’t.”

“Thane, she didn’twantyou to follow her,” I told him softly. “She cut off all ties, changed her number, and left town.”

He choked out a pained sound. “Butwhy? I tried to look her up on socials after that, you know. Just to—just to check-in. See how she was doing. But she’d closed all of her accounts. I tried to ask her mom, who basically slammed the door in my face. I called her phone for two years, but it remained disconnected. She went completely off the grid. I mean, what the hell did I do to make her want to hide from me likethat?”

It hurt to hear him still ask these questions after five years. I closed my eyes briefly and blew out a breath before saying, “I honestly don’t think it was about you at all. She had her own agenda.”

“Fuck that,” he spat. “I never wanted to keep her from anything. And sheknewthat. So why the hell did she push me away? Me! Why—why didn’t she even let meinon her oh-so-important agenda? I would’ve supported her. I just—dammit, Park. Why am I even talking about her? Or thinking about her? I’m with Christine. IlikeChristine.”

Not the way he’d loved Nova, though. I could tell.

To prove it, he asked a moment later, “You think she’s married yet?”

The last we’d heard through the grapevine, Nova had gotten engaged.

“I searched her name online, just looking for a wedding announcement, you know. But I couldn’t find anything. And she never registered at any of the usual wedding registry places.”

“Jesus, Eisner,” I said, shaking my head sadly, unable to believe he’d searched fuckingregistriesfor her.

“It’s like she doesn’t even exist, I swear,” he insisted. “You think she changed her name or something?”

“I think it’s been a year since her mom told Foster she was engaged, so yeah, she’s probably married by now.”

“Yeah,” Thane repeated softly, sounding as if he were nodding along with me. “Yeah. Probably.”

“Thane,” I started uneasily, not sure what to say to help him through this except maybe not to ever attempt to fall in love again.

But he cut in abruptly, announcing, “I’m really trying with Christine, you know. I’m trying to do everything right this time, and not fuck it up like I did with Nova. I mean, I shoved Nova into the group right off the bat. Maybe that made her think she wasn’t as important to me as she really was. Maybe—I don’t know. But I’m going to take it slow with Christine. I’m going to do it right this time.”

“Bullshit,” I said, shaking my head. “The only thing you’re doing is making us not trust this girl.”

“Well, that’snotwhat I intended.”

“Then stop treating us like some pervy, child-molesting uncle you’re too ashamed to admit you’re related to. We’re your best fucking friends, man. Start treating us like it. Let us meet her. I promise we won’t scare her off.”

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