Page 33 of Baby Nanny

“I have an excellent PI . Ihad you checked out after I hired you . Ibelieve he referred to it as a youthful indiscretion.” He attempted to interpret her reaction to his confession with only limited success. “Are you angry that I had you investigated?”

She drew a cautious breath. “I guess that depends on why you did it.”

He didn’t hesitate. “I did it to make sure you were a safe and trustworthy person to have around Isabella.”

She seemed to breathe a little easier. “Yes, of course. Since we’re now married , Iassume I checked out?”

“With that one exception.” He still couldn’t get a read on her and it puzzled him. “Did you want to talk about it?”

She shrugged and wandered across the room to the bow window that overlooked the courtyard where they’d been married. Her gown rustled in the silence of the room. She perched on the edge of the window seat, her skirts settling around her in a graceful arc. Moonlight cascaded through the beveled panes and bathed her in silver, while leaving her expression in shadow.

“There’s not much to tell . Igot drunk.”

“It happens to most of us at one point or another. That’s when we learn there’s a reason for our current drinking laws.” He approached her the way he would a wounded animal, slowly and with utmost caution. “Is there more to it than that?”

She sat without moving and simply stared at him. “To be honest , Idon’t remember a lot about that night.”

A hideous suspicion took hold. “Did someone take advantage of you?” he asked sharply. “Were you drugged?”

“Not exactly. At least , Idon’t think so,” she whispered. “But I did lose my virginity.”

Fury consumed him. “You were taken advantage of. What sort of bastard—”

She stopped him with a quick shake of her head. “He was no more capable of making rational decisions than I was. Trust me, he paid a steep price for it.”

“I gather your father found out?” Jack guessed.

“And his. It… wasn’t pretty.”

“I can imagine.” It explained so much about her, especially her need to keep herself under such tight control. He closed the remaining distance between them and sat beside her, taking her hand in his. Her fingers were like ice. “Why are you telling me all this, Annalise?”

“Because you should know that I haven’t had any alcohol since that night.” She lifted her chin and met his gaze with a directness that sliced straight through to his soul. “And I haven’t been with anyone sexually since then, either.”

The air burned in his lungs and he slowly exhaled. “Never?”

“No.”

“Because of one youthful mistake?”

She hesitated, as though considering the matter. “It didn’t seem wise. Plus, I’ve never really been tempted.” Her eyes burned in the darkness. “Until now.”

He stilled. He hadn’t realized until that moment how desperately he wanted her. But he couldn’t take her. Not after what she’d told him. He’d been so cold for so long, had looked forward to warming himself in the fiery heat of Annalise’s desire. But he couldn’t take advantage of her like that callous boy from her youth. He wouldn’t.

He fought for control, fought for the cool, calm deliberation that had once come with such ease. “Annalise—”

“You’re going to send me away, aren’t you?”

“What?” He shook his head. “No, not away. Just to the room next door.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

He froze at her words . Astinging slap couldn’t have made a harsher impact.

“Earlier today I wanted you to send me away,” she went on. “But now I realize it was just fear speaking.”

“Fear?”

“Last time , Idon’t even remember the act itself,” she explained. “The pain of intercourse? That I recall. The embarrassment afterward is a particularly vivid memory, not to mention the humiliation when the whispers started during the weeks and months that followed.”

---