Page 12 of Caught in a Christmas Conundrum

Finally, I don’t know what else to say but, “Are you trying to make us a couple?” That sounds a little bit more than maybe what he is doing. A couple? Seriously? Do I even go there?

But why not? Should I spend my life beating around the bush, and not saying things I wish I would have said, and then losing the opportunity and living with regret. I don’t want to do that.

It feels like Lucas is the perfect foil for me, and while I don’t know exactly how I feel about him—we’ve only worked together for a day—I do know that I admire everything I’ve learned about him today.

“Would that be a problem for you?” he asks, picking up his sparkling grape juice and staring at bubbles in it before turning to me, with his deep, thoughtful eyes, and seeming to stare into my very soul. My mouth goes dry, and my fingers clench in my lap, probably to keep them from shaking. My heart seems to be pounding, and suddenly it feels like there’s not enough air in the room.

That would not be a problem for me. Can I say that?

ten

. . .

Lucas

I watchas emotions flow across her face. She’s surprised, thoughtful, interested, and a host of others I’m not sure about. I’m afraid I’ve been too forward, and I should have given us another day to work together before the midnight deadline. I thought I would ask her about this then. Surely after two days of working with me, she would know whether or not she wanted to be with me, and I would have some time to charm her, although I don’t want her to like me just because she thinks she has to, or because I’ve done something fake to convince her that I’m something that I’m not.

I guess I see politicians that way. They lie and tell you whatever you want to hear so that you’ll vote for them, but in reality, they’re just putting on whatever mask they have to to get you to do what they want. When they get into office, their true colors come out. Unfortunately, by then it’s too late.

With politicians though, we can see the record, we can research, we can figure out what they’re going to do, based on what they’ve done, but are people and relationships the same way? I can’t look at her past relationships and guess what she’s going to do in one with me.

Especially since she feels different to me than every other woman I’ve ever been with. Not that there’s a whole slew of them. And truth be told, I want to be different to her too. Is that too much to ask?

“You don’t have to answer that. But I was wondering, why do you think we haven’t gotten along for the last five years?” I mean, maybe she doesn’t like me. Maybe there’s just something about me that she hates. Could I depend on her to tell me the truth?

“Well, first of all, I felt like you didn’t like me.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I guess… After the first barbecue contest, I felt like you were out to get me.”

I sit and digest that for a moment. I can tell she’s being honest, and I don’t want to dismiss her out of hand, although I feel like it is not the slightest bit true.

“You know, that might be one of those things where you see what you’re looking for, you know?” she says before I can say anything. After all, I don’t really have any way to answer that other than to deny it, but to deny it is almost saying that her feelings aren’t legit.

And I definitely don’t want to do that.

“Really? You wanted to see a competitor in me?”

“Yeah. I mean, when you beat me, I guess I saw you as trying as hard as you could to win, and that made me feel like you wanted me to lose, which of course is true.”

“Not really,” I protest.

She tilts her head and gives me a look that says,be honest.

I lift my shoulders.

“If you want to win, people around you have to lose.”

She’s right.

“But I didn’t deliberately say, looking at you specifically, ‘I want Kate to lose.’”

“I know, but I think my brain took the idea that you wanted to win, so obviously the people around you have to lose, and ran with that, making it bigger and worse than it actually was. Isn’t that a human thing?”

“I think so. I think we have a tendency to focus on the negative and make it huge.”

“I think that’s what I did. Maybe I just assumed you didn’t like me.”

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