Page 13 of Caught in a Christmas Conundrum

“And I guess I could tell that you assumed that, and I kind of picked up your cues, and…”

“Started to hate me too.” She fills in the blanks for me, but that’s not true. I shake my head. Can I admit this?

“I know that would probably be the reasonable thing to do. But… I never hated you. And if we’re being honest, I always…had a little bit of a crush on you.”

Her eyes open wide, and she seems to choke a bit on her cracker.

She grabs her drink, and drains it, and then pops off the barstool.

“Oh my goodness. Look at the time!” she says, even though we just sat down twenty minutes ago. “I really need to get back. There is so much to do tomorrow, and I definitely need to get a good night’s rest.”

I stand slowly, knowing that I scared her and wishing that I would have kept my mouth shut. I thought we were ready for a deeper conversation, but obviously I was wrong. I had known I should let two days at least go by before I even asked her if she wanted to do something with me, but I guess I just couldn’t wait. I’ve liked her for so long, and I really thought we were having a pretty good heart-to-heart conversation, not that I’m any good at those.

I’m terrible with this whole romance and love thing, and I feel dejected as she mumbles about what a great time she had,but how she really needs to go and she’s sorry for running off, and then she runs off.

I watch the door close behind her and see her hurry across the street in the glow of the Christmas decorations that are hanging on the Christmas Tree streetlights.

Some flakes of snow fall softly to the ground as she disappears inside of her shop. I see her turn around and lock her door, and she looks up for just a moment.

Our eyes meet. I’m standing right where she left me, with the street and the glass between us, and our eyes hold for a few moments which feel like hours as I wait for her to slowly unlock the door, come back across the street, and tell me she feels the same.

I know it’s an empty hope, and she turns around and disappears into the dark interior of her store.

eleven

. . .

Kate

I shouldn’t have run awaylast night. It made things awkward this morning when Lucas showed up before daylight, ready to help, and wearing an apron that said,I only smoke the good stuff.

I’m not sure if it was the apron, or if it was just the fact that he didn’t try to pick up from last night, but gave me my space, and acted like nothing had happened.

I felt like I was the only one making things awkward, which made it easier for me to stop.

The morning went without a hitch, as both of our assistants came, and we really started cranking things out.

By eleven, we had both orders almost ready, and I left to deliver the first one.

I have a little van I use. It’s got a custom interior, which keeps the hot things hot and cold things cold, and while I probably didn’t need anything fancy to deliver the food to the end of town, it’s what I have.

Phyllis is with me, to help me carry things in. We take the backstreets, because they have the entire main street shut down for the festivals.

“Can you believe Lucas has actually shown up two days in a row?” Phyllis says before she’s barely gotten settled in the driver’s seat.

“Yeah. I’m surprised, for sure.” Less surprised now that I know the kind of man he is.

Why did I run away? I wanted to respond in kind. Wanted to let him know that I felt the same way, but I froze, then got scared, and even by the time I had walked across the street and gotten into my own shop, I still couldn’t bring myself to take a different path.

I wish I would have, because now the ball is in my court. I’m the one who rejected him, so… If I want that relationship, I’m the one who’s going to have to reach out. Which is hard because since I rejected him, he might want to reject me, just to give me a taste of my own medicine. Although even as I’m thinking that, I know that’s not the kind of man Lucas is, and he wouldn’t reject me just for the fun of rejecting me. If he truly has feelings for me and has for a long time—could that be true?—then me rejecting him is not going to change that overnight.

“He’s so good at what he does. And it’s always fun to work with him. Did you see his apron this morning? The second one?An apron is just a cape on backward? So funny.” Phyllis laughs, and then she glances over at me. “I really like the one you’re wearing now. It’s probably one of my favorites.”

It’s my apron that says,whatever happens, we’re eating it. I like it too. It kind of goes with my attitude. I mean, I don’t have that attitude toward clients but toward life. Whatever happens, I’m going to deal with it.

She chatters on about how much she likes Lucas, talking about all the different things that he did today, and she doesn’t seem to notice that I don’t participate much in the conversation. I’m grateful when we’re able to stop and get out and deliver the food.

This does not require us to stay and supervise; there are volunteers for that. I will have to go back and pick up some of my supplies at the end of the day. So, once we unload, we drive home.

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