Page 15 of Caught in a Christmas Conundrum

“Who has time to watch a movie thirty times?” she asks, and then she frowns. “It is a movie?”

“Wow. You need me. I had no idea how badly until this conversation.”

She laughs as I had intended, and it makes my heart smile to hear that sound.

She puts the last pan into the dishwater, and it’s time for me to ask the thing I’ve been waiting to ask her all day.

“Why did you run away from me last night?”

I hold my breath. We agreed to meet at the church at midnight tonight, but there’s really no point in meeting if she ran away because she’s uncomfortable with me because I was being too pushy.

“I guess I was a little scared.”

That doesn’t tell me anything, and I want her to elaborate. I give her a little bit of time, without saying anything, but she doesn’t.

“In a bad way?” I ask. “Am I really scary?”

“No. You’re not the slightest bit scary, but I suppose… It was just new. The idea of thinking about you as anything other than a rival. I know that we had been talking a lot during the day, but I was still adjusting. I appreciate what you did, and I was trying to reconcile all that in my mind. I just was trying to get my head wrapped around you.”

“Have you now?” I ask, knowing I’m pushing, and I should just back off. I say as much. “Sorry. Just take your time. Think about it all you want to. We have the rest of our lives.”

“I would never expect someone to wait on me for the rest of their life, just to figure out whether or not I have feelings for him.”

“All right,” I say, wondering if that means she’s going to tell me now.

“Would you like to walk around the festivals some?” she asks as she hands me the last dish and lets the dirty water out.

“Sure,” I say, disappointed because she changed the subject but encouraged because she wants to spend time with me. I’m not going to turn it down, as much as I wish that she was telling me that she feels the same way about me that I feel about her. Of course, I didn’t exactly declare my feelings. But I want to. I want to see if we can be more than partners in the kitchen. I want to be partners…in life.

Yeah, definitely that’s too fast.

“I am going to change my clothes, and then I’ll be ready,” she says, tossing her rag over top of the spigot and glancing around the kitchen to make sure that everything is in its place.

“Same. I’ll be back in fifteen minutes?” I ask, encouraged that she is willing to walk around with me. I need to focus onwhat I have, or I will be upset about what I don’t have, and I would rather be happy. If she ends up wanting me, I’m good with that, but if she doesn’t…will I go back to having a crush on her, dealing with unrequited love, and admiring her from a distance? Eventually see her marry someone else?

The idea makes my stomach feel like a bottomless pit, and I stop thinking along those lines. I’m not going to look any further than having a good time with her today. It’s something I’ve looked forward to and wanted for years, and I’m not going to pass up the opportunity now that it’s here. But if she decides she wants more, I won’t turn it down.

thirteen

. . .

Kate

I smileas I put one last apron on. I had such a great time walking around with Lucas at the festival. We ate together, we laughed together, we played some games together. He could have been making money by selling his barbecue, but he gave that up in order to help me. And then he spent the day with me, making sure that I had a good time. Or maybe that’s just the way he is, anybody who’s with him has a good time.

Regardless, I look at the clock on my nightstand. It’s ten to twelve. I got home two hours ago, took a shower, and did some soul-searching.

He wanted to move forward last night, and I ran away. He didn’t take umbrage at that but showed up this morning, pulled his weight in every way possible, and then spent the afternoon making sure I had a good time. He helped me bring my supplies back to the shop and helped me get everything cleaned up and put away.

I can’t remember a better day. I definitely wouldn’t have had such fun without him.

I finger the apron that I’m thinking about wearing. I didn’t pick any of my aprons for any specific message, but this one Iam. It’s…a big hint, if I can go through with it. I want to. It’s how I feel.

I don’t know why I’m hesitating. Maybe because I know he’s serious, and this could be the last time I wonder about what man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Lucas is the perfect fit for me, and while I’m not entirely sure he’s thinking that way about me, I hope he is.

I take the apron, put it on, and take another look around my room. I grab a hat, since it’s chilly outside, and then I flip my lights off, leaving my Christmas tree lights on, and walk out of my apartment.

The church isn’t that far away, and I think perhaps I will run into Lucas as I walk to it.

---