Page 24 of No Rhyme or Riesling

“Yeah.” Adam braced his hands against the shower wall as he carefully got to his feet. “I'll be right out.”

A long, hesitant pause filled the room before John said, “Okay.”

Adam waited until he heard the door shut, then quickly hung up the washcloth, rinsed himself off, and got out of the shower, drying himself as fast as he could, desperate to get back into his chest binder.

He didn't stop to take a real, full breath until he was dressed. Then he braced his hands on the sink again and let out a sigh, bearing himself up to check his reflection. Adam winced at the sight of his face, all pale and blotchy. He lowered his gaze, narrowing his eyes as he turned sideways in front of the mirror. His chest looked flat under the t-shirt, but it didn't matter. He could still feel the damned things.

Adam whirled away from the mirror and yanked open the door. He lurched to a stop, blinking dumbly at the sight of his room. The place had still been a disaster from when he'd packed his overnight bag yesterday, but now the mess was gone. Adam winced and ducked back into the bathroom, gathering up his dirty clothes and dumping them all into the hamper before wiping his palms on his shorts and heading for the kitchen.

He found John pouring a cup of coffee, then adding cream and sugar, the way Adam liked it. John handed him the cup, and Adam took a sip. He was too warm to be drinking coffee, but it felt good going down.

“After this,” John said, nodding at the mug, “we'll get you some water and get you hydrated.”

Adam nodded obediently. He took another sip, then was about to open his mouth to tell John that cleaning his room for him wasn't necessary, except he knew it was. John had probably needed that sense of order. Of control.

“Feeling better?” John asked.

Adam nodded again.

John studied him for a moment before he asked, “How much did you have to drink?”

Adam frowned, sipping his coffee as he thought about it. “Two glasses, I think. I'm pretty sure. Shit. You know what? It might have been three.”

“And that was enough to make you sick?” John asked, then tilted his head. “Well, yeah, okay, I guess if you haven't had a drink in a while…”

Adam winced. “It wasn't that. At least, it wasn't entirely that. Shit. I broke a glass, didn't I?” he suddenly realized.

John nodded. “I texted Beau while you were in the shower. Told him I'd take care of it.”

“No,” Adam insisted. “I'll do it.”

“Adam–”

“It'smyfault,” Adam choked out, feeling pinpricks all over his skin as a fresh wave of guilt and grief hit him. He paused, blinking rapidly, waiting to see if he was going to start crying again.

But apparently he was all out of tears.

For one day, anyway.

“I'll take care of it,” he bit off.

John held up his hands. “Okay, baby. That's fine. It's okay.” John slowly approached and put an arm around him before kissing the top of his head. He held Adam like that in silence for a moment before he murmured, “For the record, I don't think your dad would blame you for his death.”

Adam shook his head and stared down at his coffee as he leaned against John's warm, strong body. “We had a big fight about it,” he admitted. “I was PMSing andmiserableand couldn't wait to start hormones and get top surgery, literally counting down the days until I turned eighteen so I could get started like Dad promised. And Dad's doctor kept telling him he needed to get his own surgery done sooner rather than later before his shoulder got worse, but Dad kept putting it off because it would mean being out of commission for several weeks while he healed.” Adam glanced up at John. “You know Dadhatedsitting still.”

“Gee, I wonder where you got that from,” John teased him.

Adam almost smiled at that, but it vanished in an instant. “But he also kept complaining about the pain every time he tried to reach for something or lift anything. So one day I shouted at him that he needed to stop complaining and just get the surgery already so we could get it over and done with so that I could have my turn. We had a big fight, but he ended up calling his doctor anyway to see when he could get it scheduled. He almost changed his mind again when the doctor said the next opening was the day before my birthday. But I told him I didn't care. I didn't want to wait any longer.”

He barely got the last few words out before he burst into tears again.

Damn it!He'd thought for sure he was done, but no matter how hard he tried to stop, the tears kept coming.

Adam turned and set down his mug with shaky hands. Before he could even step back, John was there, wrapping his arms around him.

Except John's hand brushed his chest. Just the barest glance of his thumb as John reached across Adam's body.

And even though Adam knew it was an accident, he couldn't stop the shriek that exploded out of him.

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