Page 17 of If You Loved Me

“I just want to live my life without judgment. I want to be free to make whatever decisions are right for me without feeling like I’m disappointing someone.”

The moonlight illuminated Deacon’s face and I could see the way his eyes narrowed slightly, like he wanted me to pay attention to what he was about to say. “There will never be a day on this Earth when you aren’t judged for what you do, Sarah. That’s the nature of being human. If you’re in the presence of someone else, they will have their thoughts about how you live your life, the actions you take, and the words you say. The only thing that’s in your control is whether or not you allow other people to dictate how you feel.”

“I don’t think I let them dictate how I feel a lot of the time.”

“Yes you do,” he said firmly.

I looked away from him, watching the churning water rushing over the rocks. Was Deacon right? Did I spend too much mental energy taking in what others thought of me?

As I thought back to the past year, I realized there were a lot of moments when I felt upset about my mother intervening on the biggest baking account I’d ever had. Any time I heard a customer complaining to Stephanie about one of my baked goods, I took it like a bullet to the heart. And I always made sure to do my hair and makeup before leaving for work, even if I was bone tired and needed the extra sleep.

“Okay, yeah,” I said, feeling deflated. “I guess I do take on people’s judgments and let them impact how I feel.”

“What’re you going to do about it?”

“Since you’re so smart and insightful, why don’t you tell me?” I raised a brow at him and he snickered.

“Well, I think you’re doing good with the bakery to start. But what’s something else you want to do? Something that would be just for you?”

I chewed on my bottom lip as I thought about it. The very first thing that came to mind was Ranger Adams and his delectable lips. God how I wished I could kiss those lips and feel his hands run through my hair as he pushed me against a wall and…

“Sarah?” Deacon’s voice cut through my thoughts.

I cleared my throat. “I think there might be one thing.”

He looked at me expectantly. Heat crawled up my neck. “You have to promise not to make fun of me.”

He bobbed his head back and forth like he was playing with the idea. “Mmm. Okay. Fine. I promise not to make fun of you.”

I swallowed against the knot in my throat. “I think theremight be a guy I’m interested in asking out. Or maybe not ask out, but I want him to ask me out.”

“Who?”

“Ranger Adams,” I whispered like my mother might hear his name all the way across town.

“He came to my bonfire two summers back, right”

I nodded.

“He seems like a standup guy. Why wait around for him to ask you out? Just do it yourself?”

“That wouldn’t be weird?”

It was his turn to raise his eyebrows at me. “I thought the whole point of this exercise was to not care what others thought.”

I groaned. “Why do you have to be so obnoxious?”

He shrugged. “It’s what I’m good at. But seriously, if you like the guy stop fucking around and ask him out.”

“Just ask him out,” I repeated, mulling over the words in my mind to get used to the idea of them. “Yeah,” I said after a few moments. “I can do that.”

“It’s settled then.”

“So, I just go up to him the next time I see him and ask him out on a date?”

“Don’t think too hard on it or you’ll talk yourself out of it. You’ve made up your mind. This is what you want. Now, do it.”

“Okay.” I felt my head bob up and down as my mind tried to make sense of what I just agreed to. “Not going to overthink it.”

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