Page 20 of If You Loved Me

“That’s exactly why you need to forgive him. He’s already taken so much from you. It’s been thirteen years since everything went down and you’re still harboring anger towards him. All that time you were away are years that you’ll never get back. If you stay mad at him, he will continue to rob you of your present and your future.”

“How am I supposed to do that? How am I supposed to let go of everything he cost me? All the years of my life that I missed out on moments just like this? Moments I lost with my sister?” My voice cracked. From anger. From sadness. Shit. I didn’t know anymore. The only thing I did know was that I was starting to lose the grip I had on my dignity.

My eyelids opened wide and my nostrils flared as I sucked in a deep breath, doing everything I could not to lose my cool. I was hanging on by a damn thread and the tension was about to snap it in two.

“I know. He’s a piece of shit elitist asshole who has never had to pay for the consequences of his own decisions. And I hope karma comes around and bites him in the ass one of these days if only to prevent other people from dealing with the fallout of his bad behavior. But forgiving him has nothing to do with him and I’m not saying it’ll happen overnight.” He pointed at the center of my chest. “It’s for you, Ranger. So that you don’t have to walk around with this chip on your shoulder for the rest of your life thinking that the world is out to get you or that people can’t be trusted. When you forgive him, you’ll be able to set all that shit free.”

Free. The word clanged around in my mind. Such a simple word that had countless meanings depending on who you asked. For so long I attributed the word to the physical sense of not being bound to a cage. But maybe there was more to it. That what Miles was saying eluded to the deeper meaning. Freedom wasn’t just about being able to come home again and drive my truck downtown whenever I wanted.

I hadn’t realized that I’d built my own prison in my mind. Caged by anger and resentment. I tugged on the bars, but they just weren’t ready to come loose yet.

“I want that,” I whispered. “And I’m thankful to have you in my life to point out the fact that I need to work towards it. But I’m not there yet. I’m not even sure what it will take to get me there, but all I can do is hope that I will know when the moment comes.”

He clasped my shoulder again. “And I’ll be right by your side hoping with you, brother.”

Chapter 9

Ranger

After a week of avoiding town, I found myself at The Roasted Bean because Callie Rose decided to drain my house of all its coffee last night when she decided to pull an all-nighter harvesting and cleaning vegetables for the weekend’s farmer’s market. Thankfully, Miles and I had finished tagging the new calves and I could afford to take the morning a little slower.

The small café was filled to the brim with patrons. I tried not to make my discomfort look too obvious as I stood close to the door after placing my order. Crowds had always been difficult for me and they were made even worse when I was in prison as they often meant trouble. I had to remind myself that I was a free man, no longer held behind iron bars. And these people were not a danger to me, even if some of them did look at me like I might be a threat to them.

“Ranger!” the barista called over the noise of the crowd before setting my coffee down on the counter.

Navigating my way through the bundle of people gathered by the counter, I tried not to bump into anyone.

With a quick, “Thank you,” I grabbed my coffee and headed out the door. The weather was perfect with the sun shining brightly in another cloudless sky and the air was cool against my skin. Just enough to make me feel alive, but not cold enough that irritation gripped me.

Winters in the foothills were harsh and the weather forecast suggested this one was going to be rough. There was only so much fleece-lined leather gloves could do for my hands while working in the frigid temperatures.

I should have headed for my truck to get back to the ranch, but instead, I found myself walking through the door ofSarah’s Bakery. A bell chimed above the door as I stepped across the threshold and the entire group of patrons seemed to stop and stare at me at once. I recognized several of them from my time in school, but there were a lot of faces I didn’t know the names of. But the only face my gaze settled on belonged to a beautiful woman standing behind the glass case of treats. Her long brown hair was tied in a messy bun on the top of her head, loose strands of curls framed her face as she unpacked a tray of cupcakes into the case.

Something squeezed in my chest as I took in the slight rosiness of her cheeks—flushed from working hard, no doubt. I watched her delicate hands as she reached in and out of the glass case, setting each cupcake in a perfectly neat row. I wondered if it was genetics or her upbringing that made her so detail oriented and I found myself wanting toask her. To spend the rest of my day getting wrapped up in her luscious voice as she told me about herself.

“Are you in line?” Startled, I looked down to find an elderly woman with bright red lipstick and a little too much blush on her cheeks staring up at me. Her short black hair was curled tightly to her head in ringlets that were streaked with gray.

“You can go ahead of me,” I offered.

A deep scowl settled into her face as she looked me up and down before she ambled toward the checkout counter. If looks could kill, I’d be a dead man.

I took my place behind her and found myself looking for Sarah again. It was a bad idea, getting wrapped up in a woman knowing that our worlds were vastly different. She was the cream of the crop and I was just a man trying to make enough of a living to keep my ranch.

But dammit I couldn’t stay away from her. Not when those beautiful lips split into a wide smile that had my heart banging against my ribs. Disappointment flashed as I watched her disappear through the swinging door behind the counter with the empty tray in her hands.

Fuck.

She was probably heading back to work on her next batch. The young girl at the cash register looked similar enough to Sarah that they could be related. With long dark hair, a pert nose, and rosebud lips. But she wasn’t the woman I wanted to talk to. She didn’t have the rich brown eyes that made me feel like I could conquer the whole fucking world when they settled on me.

“Do you mind waiting here for just a minute?” The girl asked the man standing in front of her. “I’ll go ask Sarah when the next batch will be ready.”

“That’s fine, sweetheart,” the man at the counter said as he leaned his weight onto his cane.

The girl disappeared through the door for a few moments and when she came back, Sarah was trailing right behind her. Those brown eyes found me and the world shifted as she stumbled to a stop. I took a step forward, my hands instinctively reaching out to catch her even though she was several feet away and there were three people and a counter between us.

The most beautiful shade of red blossomed on her cheeks as she tucked her hair behind both ears. The other girl said something to her that snagged her attention away, cleaving the moment like an axe slicing through wood.

Whatever Sarah said to the elderly man was lost on me because the only thing I could focus on was keeping my feet planted firmly on the ground. The only thing they wanted to do was move closer to her. It was a pull I’d never felt toward anything in my life. The need I felt to survive and make it back to my ranch wasn’t even as strong as this and it suddenly dawned on me how fucking terrifying that was.

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