Page 42 of If You Loved Me

This isn’t me.This isn’t me anymore. I kept repeating the words in my mind. Over and over again. But no matter how many times I said them to myself, I couldn’t find the courage to get up and leave the table.

I was silent for the remainder of our dinner. Only taking a few moments here and there to ask Jones questions about his real estate ventures and whether he’d found a house he liked in Pebble Brook Falls yet.

It didn’t take me long to realize that he enjoyed talking about himself more than engaging in a reciprocal conversation. The beginning of our dinner date was likely him buttering me up with feigned interest.

“Would you like to come back to my place for a nightcap?” he asked as we stood outside the front doors of the restaurant.

“I’m sorry but I have a big day at work tomorrow, so I need to turn in early.”

For a moment, I thought he was going to push the issue. My heart thundered in my chest. All I wanted to do was get to my car.

Thankfully, he said, “No problem. It was nice to meet you, Sarah and I hope I can take you out again.”

Not having a single word to say, I simply smiled at him. I stiffened in his arms as he pulled me in for a hug and when he tried to kiss me, I shifted my head to the side, giving him my cheek instead.

We said our goodbyes and I nearly ran to my car. When I was tucked away inside, I didn’t fight back the tears that spilled over my cheeks.

I was stuck. So damn stuck between a rock and a hard place. Jones was wrong. Totally and completely wrong. But he was the one thing standing between me and my dreams if my mother had anything to do with it. And it wasn’t just that thought that had me spiraling. If I didn’t play by the rules of her game, there was no telling what she might do to try to sabotage me.

Sobs of frustration wracked my body for what felt like forever until I was finally able to get myself together enough to drive home.

Chapter 18

Ranger

Miles turned away from me, walking towards the only door of my cell. He didn’t look back as his hand turned the knob and he stepped through it. I screamed after him. “Don’t leave! Please, Miles! Please…don’t leave.” My throat was sore. Hoarse from the number of times I yelled his name.

Then Callie Rose appeared. Looking the same as she did the day I was sent away. Her long black hair in soft curls framing her face—our mother’s face.

“You did this,” she whispered. Her voice sounded like it was far, far away.

“I’m sorry,” I cried. “I’ll do better. I promise, Cal.”

Her eyes were vacant. Like what I’d done had robbed her of all the joy she had left. It was my fault. Everything was my fault. She’d already lost so much in life. First, our father. Then, our mother. Now, by my own stupid actions, she was alone again.

There was something eerie aboutthe way she was looking at me as I called out her name. Begging her to stay with me.

Her head tilted to the side slightly as if she was assessing me. “You’re going to be alone in here forever because of what you did. You ruined us. You ruined the only family I had left.” Black tears rolled down her face before her body started to lose its opaqueness.

I leaped for her, trying to keep her with me. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want her to suffer anymore. By the time I reached her, she was already gone. Her body turned into a swirl of mist around me.

The door Miles had walked through shimmered away and I was left in a dark gray box made of cold stone walls.

Alone. I was completely alone. Hurtling toward the wall, I led with my shoulder. I slammed into it and crumpled into a heap on the ground, my shoulder splintering with pain.

“No!” I screamed, again and again. Until finally, the walls started moving toward me.

“You’ll die here.” Callie Rose’s voice echoed against the walls.

I squeezed my eyes shut, curling myself into a ball like I’d done when we found out our father had died.

“No,” I whispered this time. And the wallsswallowed me whole.

“Agh!” I jolted forward. Breaths heavy. My heart banging against my chest like a war drum. My fists were tangled in sweat-sodden sheets as I slowly oriented myself to my bedroom.

My breaths were ragged. I tried to slow them down. One breath in. One breath out. Over and over again.

Home, I told myself.

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