Page 47 of If You Loved Me

The door closed behind her and once again I was left alone with the very big mess I’d made.

Chapter 20

Sarah

Moisture clung to the fall air, covering the rolling hills ofHarry's Orchardin a blanket of fog. There was something deeply romantic about the scene that made my heart ache.

A reminder of what I was fighting for and what my circumstances forced me to fight against. Sleep had evaded me since Ranger showed up at my bakery and gave me what had to be the best kiss any woman on this planet had ever experienced. He was so tender like I might break from the contact. But I could feel the wild in him lurking beneath the surface, desperate to break free.

It was the same wild that ran through my veins. I’d tampered it down over the decades of my life to satisfy my parents—tobelong. Being near Ranger had it roaring to be let loose. To finally run without anything in its way.

Maybe I’d let myself get there one day. Live life without abandon. To stop caring what my parents would think of me. I’d already made it this far. Forgoing my inheritance to opena bakery. I could still see the look on my mother’s face the day I’d told them I made enough money from at-home baking to open a brick-and-mortar location.

The way her eyes narrowed on me and her lips twisted downward in a scowl. My father just stared at me blankly, like his brain couldn’t even process thatIwas his child.

I was furious at the part of me that still longed for their approval. The little girl who wanted nothing more than to have her parents look at her with love and tell her how proud they were of her.

Anger stung my eyes as I wiped the rogue tears away.No. Today was my day and I wouldn’t let them get away with ruining it.

I checked myself in the visor mirror of my car. Satisfied that the tears hadn’t done too much damage to my mascara, I got out of my car and walked up to the large renovated farmhouse to sign in for apple picking.

“Happy birthday, bestie!” Willow’s voice reverberated through the space and I turned to see her just as she’d walked through the door Johnny was holding for her. Arms spread out wide, she started running towards me and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Ooph!” I huffed as we collided in a mess of giggles, hellos and I missed yous.

“Happy birthday, Sarah.” Johnny squeezed the two of us together before we all parted with smiles on our faces.

“I just checked us in, so all we have to do is grab our bags and we’re good to go.”

“As long as you remember this one’s on us.” Willow winked at me.

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Willow. I do remember that you are forcing me to be spoiled this weekend and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

She tapped me on the nose with her pointer finger. “Good! As long as that’s settled, then I think we’re good to go.” Willow twisted to turn toward the other set of doors leading out to the orchard entrance but stopped mid-step and shifted back toward me. “I almost forgot to ask. Are we waiting on a special someone? Or maybe a few special someones?” Her lips tilted into a mischievous grin and I could feel the heat of my cheeks flaming. I knew I was bright red without looking in a mirror.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I whispered, looking around the large open space where dozens of our fellow townsfolk were eating apple cider donuts and drinking hot chocolate at the picnic tables scattered throughout.

Willow sided up next to me, looping her arm through mine before she leaned close to my ear and said, “I think you knowexactlywhat I’m talking about.”

She directed me toward the doors where Johnny was casually holding one open, doing his best to mind his own business while Willow tried to coax the details of my love life from me.

“Listen, you know there is no judgment here. You could date four guys at once if you wanted to.”

“Willow!” I jabbed her lightly in the ribs.

My left arm rose with hers as she shrugged. “What? I’m just saying that it doesn’t matter to me what you do, as long as you’re being true to yourself.”

I sighed heavily before I leaned my head on her shoulder, burying myself closer to her as we hit the cold air. I looked over my shoulder where Johnny was keeping a few paces back and I knew he was trying to give us some privacy.

“You promise you won’t judge me?”

She stopped walking and her bright blue eyes turned serious. “I swear to you.”

A lump formed in my throat. Not because I didn’t trust her. But because I knew she wouldn’t judge me and it was so incredibly rare to find that in life. To be fully loved by someone else that it didn’t matter what you did, even if it was as shameful as fake dating one guy to get in your mother’s good graces when you were really falling hard for someone else.

I told her everything, though. How I was embarrassingly still a virgin, which she informed me that she already knew because we’d never talked about how I’d lost it. And the way Ranger made me burn every time he was near. Like a moth drawn to a dangerous flame, but it was too damn beautiful to avoid. But worst of all, that I was betrayingmyselfby dating Jones to appease my mother.

“You’re living in fear, Sarah.” Our hands were bound together between us. She squeezed mine.

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