Page 59 of If You Loved Me

A single tear spilled over, rolling down my cheek as I laughed. “Everyone will think we’re crazy.”

“There isn’t a single person’s opinion in this entire world that I care about when it comes to you.”

For a moment I thought about my parents and the mess I was in with Jones. I wondered what it would be like to showup to Sunday dinner with Ranger by my side and what my parents might say about him. But as I took in the man beside me, felt the callouses of his palms against my own, I realized that I would damn them all if it meant protecting him—protecting what we had.

I knew it for a while now. Somewhere deep in my heart, even before I made the deal with my mother, that there was something different between Ranger and me. Call it fate or divine timing, but I knew Ranger came into my life at the right moment. There was nothing more I wanted than to start building a life with him. Step by step, I wanted to know everything about his world and what made him who he was.

The truth was on the tip of my tongue before I swallowed it down. I would tell him about Jones and the deal I made with my mother that was soon to be broken. For now, I just wanted to live in this moment with him.

“I’m glad to hear we’re on the same page.” I squeezed his hand, feeling the connection between us buzz like electricity.

I felt Honey Blossom pawing the ground beneath me like she was tired of standing around and wanted to run in the beautiful fields before us. Ranger’s gaze tracked the mare’s movement before he looked back up at me and said, “Come on. I want to show you something.”

“Okay,” I whispered.

It was about a fifteen-minute ride to a field at the edge of Ranger’s property. His hands were firm around my waist as he helped me off of Honey Blossom. Soreness crept along the inseam of my thighs, but the feeling quickly faded as I took in the view before me.

What seemed like miles of purple and green hues stretched out in all directions as the muhly grass swayed from side to side giving a long rippling effect from the fall breeze. The violet of the grass merged into the pinks and oranges of the setting sun, making the scene look surreal.

My breath caught and it took me a moment to find the words. “It looks like what I imagine heaven might be like.”

I felt Ranger take a step towards my back, his warmth was palpable, even through my thick coat. For just a second, I closed my eyes when his arms wrapped around my front. He pulled me in close as I opened my eyes again, taking in the stunning view.

“We have about a hundred acres of the stuff. The cows don’t do well with it, so we have it fenced off from the other pastures.” He huffed a breath. “Miles has tried to convince me to kill it all so we can plant cow-friendly seed now that the ranch is expanding. Most of the time, it’s just an endless sea of green or brown depending on how hot the summer months get. But when fall comes and it blooms…I don’t know. I just can’t seem to find the heart to mow it all down and replace it.”

“I don’t blame you.” Twisting my neck, I looked up at him. “It’s too beautiful to touch.”

His eyes darted back and forth between mine, a solemn look on his face. “That’s exactly what my mom used to say.”

“Was she the one who brought you here?” A tentative question. There were whispers around town when Ranger’s mom left him and his sister. Word always had a way of moving quickly in a small town. Unfortunately, the truth often got twisted in the game of telephone as a story bounced from one person to the next. The judgment placed on his family hadn’t been kind.

I looked back out at the sinking sun and the river of purple grass before it, giving Ranger the space he needed as silence filled the air.

He shifted behind me, drawing me closer as he finally said, “Yes. She’d packed a picnic for just me and her and told me we were going on an adventure. I remember it being colder than tonight so it was probably in October or November. We rode her horse out here and I don’t think I’ve ever felt as free as I did that night. When I saw the field for the first time I thought we’d gone to a different world. Like a fairytale or something. After we ate our sandwiches for dinner we spent hours running through the grass playing tag and probably some version of cowboys and outlaws.

“She was happy then. Always had a smile on her face.” His words were strained like the memory made him smile from joy and frown from sorrow at the same time.

“Do you mind me asking what happened?”

His chest moved closer to my back as he inhaled deeply. “I have to admit, showing you the ugly side of my past makes me nervous.”

I turned in his arms so we were facing one another. Sliding my palm over his chest, I let it rest over his heart. “The ugly parts are what make the happy moments so beautiful.”

“I think she’d like you very much if she were here. You both have a way of seeing the good in every situation.” His gaze drifted to the sunset behind me as he continued, “Or at least she did until my dad died.”

“I can imagine losing the one you love changes you in a way no one could predict,” I whispered.

The way his eyes shone made it seem like he was lost in distant memories. “When we received the news that he’d died in combat, my mother didn’t come out of her room for a week. Callie Rose and I took turns trying to get her to come out, but nothing we tried worked. She was inconsolable. Most nights, Callie Rose came into my room to sleep because our mother would spend the waning hours sobbing. Our walls weren’t thick enough to hide from the sound.

“It was hard. Fuck,”—he exhaled loudly—“hard doesn’t even begin to describe it. My dad would always tell me that if anything happened to him I’d become the man of the house and would need to take care of my mother and sister. And I tried.” Ranger’s voice broke and the sound cleaved my chest in two.

“But I was still a kid when he passed and it didn’t matter how hard I tried, losing him was my mother’s downfall. For a long time, I avoided the idea of loving someone. I had Callie Rose and my best friend Miles. They were enough forme. After I went away, the idea of someone loving me for all my faults and mistakes seemed nearly impossible.

“But then I saw you two summers ago at Deacon’s bonfire. I knew exactly who you were, but I don’t think I ever let myself truly see you until then. I think something in me shifted that night because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Why didn’t you ask me out then?” I wondered what my life might look like if Ranger and I had started this journey together a year ago.

“Honestly?” He grabbed the back of his neck with a wince. “I’d just been released from prison and I know how this town talks. No part of me thought I had a chance in hell with you. Not with the way you grew up and the prejudice your family would likely have against someone like me.”

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