Page 66 of If You Loved Me

Our gazes were locked when the aching melody came toa close and something in my chest cracked at the absence of the sound. I wanted him to play for me forever.

“I’ve missed that,” his sister said, severing the connection between Ranger and me.

“Yeah, man,” Miles’s face was sad, yet serene. “It’s been too long.”

I realized at that moment that the two of them had missed out on so much while Ranger was away. Ten years of having to live in a world where their brother and best friend was trapped behind bars for the crime of defending a kid against some rich assholes. My heart squeezed thinking of how many memories they’d all missed out on together because someone else decided he should be punished for protecting the innocent.

Tears hit the back of my eyes and I blinked quickly. I had no right to cry. Not when they’d lost so much.

“I’m going to grab another beer,” Miles said, voice soft. “Callie, want to join me?”

Her eyes were locked on her brother and I wondered if she’d heard what Miles asked her at all. Then she blinked several times, coming out of whatever stupor had pulled her down. “Yeah, sure.” I didn’t miss the way Miles offered her his hand and how her body shuttered when she took it, like his touch had electrified her.

When they disappeared through the back porch door, I shifted in my seat so I could see Ranger’s face clearly. “That was beautiful.”

His Adam’s Apple bobbed as he swallowed.

“Thank you.” He leaned the guitar against the side table next to him. “It’s been a really long time since I played.”

“You haven’t played since you were released?” I asked, my voice quiet.

He shook his head, his lips turned down slightly. “I was different when I got out. Being locked in a cage for that long changed me in ways that I can’t describe. I tried to be my normal self…for Callie Rose and for Miles. But something inside of me changed in those ten years. When I was released and came home, it felt like nothing had changed at all and that the entire world had shifted at the same time.

“Miles was granted custody of Callie Rose when she was sixteen to eighteen years old while I was gone. He made sure the ranch stayed alive and that my sister was taken care of. I gave up that responsibility the night I fucked everything up. Even though I knew he would take care of her and our home, I couldn’t get rid of the guilt that I’d left her for so long. I thought I needed to be punished.”

My chest twisted. I reached for his cheek, luxuriating in how his warmth seeped into the palm of my hand. He closed his eyes, pushing the side of his face against my skin. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Ranger. You acted in defense of a young kid who was being ganged up on by three men. The only wrong thing about it was how those guys were able to cheat the system with their money.”

“It doesn’t take back all the years I lost though.”

I swallowed. “You’re right. It doesn’t. And I wish, more than anything, that I could make it all right for you. That I could snap my fingers so you could have all those amazingyears with your sister and Miles. But you don’t need to punish yourself anymore. It’s okay to be happy.”

“You’ve shown me that.” His voice was husky with emotion. “Before you came along, I was still stuck in the past. Feeling like there was no way out for me. That I would be stuck in the fear of losing my freedom forever. Being with you has shown me something different. That there’s still joy to experience in this life.”

“There is,” I whispered, not caring about the tears that started to spill down my face. “And I’m so glad we get to experience it together.”

Chapter 28

Ranger

“I think she’s good for you,” Callie Rose said as she lifted a box filled with carrots and stacked it into the wagon. Before shutting the truck door, she lifted the final box of beets from the seat.

“Yeah?” I grabbed the handle on the wagon and we walked to where her farmer’s market tent was waiting.

Last night had been incredible. Showing Sarah the field where my mother took me as a kid, seeing her become so free on the land that had been passed down through generations in my family. Watching her with awe as she came undone from the pleasure I brought her. Fuck, I could still taste her on my tongue. I wanted more of her. More of how she made me feel like my life was finally worth living again. She chased away my fears like a star shining in the depthless night.

There was no more falling for her. I’d fallen already. Straight off the side of thecliff, headfirst.

Callie Rose’s coat rustled against the small crate of beets she carried as I guided us along the park sidewalk, toward her tent.

“I knew that things would be different when you got out. I can’t even begin to imagine how prison changes a person, but I was hopeful that you would find your way back to us—to Miles and me.”

“You felt like I wasn’t here?” I shot her a sidelong glance. Her eyes were leaden with worry as she looked at me.

“Not really, no. I saw you trying. Every day I knew you were giving us your best shot of trying to keep things light and normal. When you told me about the nightmares for the first time, I knew things were different. I told Miles I wasn’t confident that we’d ever get you back. Not fully anyway.”

My stomach coiled in a knot as guilt washed over me. “I never wanted you to feel bad, Cal. That was the furthest thing I’d ever want you to feel. I just…” I took in a deep breath, trying to get my thoughts straight. “When I was inside, I had this whole plan of what I was going to do with my life when I was released. I wanted to make the ranch better. Get our family out of transgenerational poverty. Help you in whatever way I could so you had a chance to live a great life. I never wanted to leave you. But when I got out…fuck. I was so damn scared of going back in that all the plans I’d made were dust in the wind.”

Callie Rose stopped walking. The wagon creaked as I slid it to a stop and turned to face her. “You don’t have to go back there, Ranger. Not ever. And we were okay. Miles andme. We made it work. Of course we would have wanted you to be here with us, but you don’t need to feel bad about it anymore.”

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