Page 233 of Broken Saint

I’ve always fucking needed her; I’ve just been too scared to admit it.

“I don’t know what I should say here, Ella.Everything I’ve done…fuck.”

I scrub my hand down my face.

“I’ve done everything wrong.Every single fucking thing.”

Closing my eyes, I hang my head as memories of this incredible woman flicker like a movie through my mind.

“All I’ve ever truly wanted was you. It has only ever been you, Bombshell. No one has ever come close to comparing to you.All my dreams…all of them have included you.I just…I didn’t think I could have you.

“I know, I know,” I say, a bitter laugh tumbling from my lips as I predict what her response would be to that.

“I’ve only ever wanted you, Colt. Just as you are.”

My heart clenches hard in my chest.

“I guess you always have been right. Almost dying…almost losing everything…was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced.I freaked out, Ella. Everything was such a fucking mess. My life as I knew it blew up right in front of me.I had noidea if I was going to be able to function again when I first woke up, let alone anything else.

“I’d already put you through enough shit. I hurt you over and over. I couldn’t do it again. But I did, didn’t I?I hurt you worse than I ever have before, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to show you how truly sorry I am.

“You are the single most important person in my life. You have been since the first day I met you. Your smile, the twinkle in your eyes…you lit me up like no one I’d ever met before, and it’s still true now.

“These past few weeks…fuck,” I breathe, slumping lower in the chair and dragging my fingers through my hair. “Ella, I fucked up. I fucked up so fucking badly.”

I sob, my eyes burning.

“And I didn’t even know the half of it.”

I squeeze my eyes closed in a pathetic attempt to keep in the tears. But it’s hopeless.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Ella, and it fucking kills me to see you like this.”

Sitting forward, I press my lips to the back of her cool hand and stop trying to fight my emotions.

Ella deserves so many things from me. Being vulnerable and embracing how I really feel is one of them.

I have no idea how much time passes as I sit there slumped over, clinging to my girl as if she’ll disappear if I so much as loosen my grip. But eventually, the creak of the door behind me catches my attention and I’m forced to look up.

I’m expecting to find a nurse or a doctor once I’ve wiped the lingering moisture from my eyes, so I’m taken aback a little when I find Angie staring back at me with tears staining her cheeks.

“Oh, crap. Sorry, I?—”

“It’s okay, Colt. Benny is going for coffee and?—”

“I’m fine, thank you,” I croak, hating that she’s looking at me with so much concern when she should be hating me.

She shakes her head. “He’s getting you one. Figured you could use the caffeine hit.”

Like you wouldn’t fucking believe.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

Silence falls between us as she pushes from the door, letting it fall closed gently behind her as she draws closer.

Taking the seat on the other side of Ella, she rests her hand on her daughter’s, mindful of the cannula.

She studies Ella’s features with her brow furrowed.

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