“I understand. This is all pretty new for me too. Do you know today is the first time I’ve kissed someone in ten years?”
“Um, no. Wow.”
“I had thought it would never happen again. I didn’t even want it to. Being a widower at thirty-two, I accepted it was just my lot in life. I run a bar. I’ve seen a lot of guys over the last ten years. But not a single one of them caught my attention.”
“Surely you’ve been propositioned?”
“I have, but none of them ever sparked enough interest for me to take them up on their offers.”
“Not even a hookup?”
“No.”
“So, you’ve not?—”
“My sex life, or lack of it, is not up for discussion right now,” he growls, which I admit is very attractive. I laugh at the thought that before I came to Spain, if anyone had growled at me like that, I’d have been on my hands and knees offering up my arse for them to do whatever they wanted with it. But not now. Have I changed so much?
“My sex life isn’t funny,” he protests.
“I wasn’t laughing at you. It was just a memory,” I say, and he seems to accept my explanation.
“What I’m trying to say is that after a very long dry spell,you two have awakened something in me I thought was lost forever. It came as a shock to me that I’m attracted to you both... a lot.”
I sigh. “I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to feel left out. I don’t want to be unchosen.”
“No one says you have to be,” he says softly, raising his hand and brushing my hair away from my eyes. It feels comforting, but then he pauses as if he’s just realised what he’s doing.
“Don’t stop,” I whisper and he resumes.
“There are no guarantees in this world. We never know what life is going to throw at us. Maybe we have to take chances as they come along, or we might never experience the joy this world has to offer.”
“Or we could not take any chances and just protect ourselves from the heartache.”
“That seems a sad and lonely way to live to me. Joy and sadness are two sides of the same coin, but until we toss it, we don’t know which side it’s going to land on.”
I raise myself up and scoot closer to him. He put his arms round me, and I lean into his broad chest. The steady beat of his heart feels solid as he envelops me in a safe warmth. His lips graze across my forehead.
“What do you want to do now?” he whispers into my hair.
“I want to see Rafe,” I say against his chest. I feel him nod and release his hold slightly.
I look up at him. “You won’t tell him, will you? About what I said?”
He frowns at the thought of it. “It’s not mine to tell.” Then he gently kisses my forehead before letting his arms fall and allowing me to get up.
“Thank you,” I say as he also stands.
“You’re welcome. I hope I’ve helped.”
“I think so.”
“What about me?” he says as I close the bedroom door.
“I still haven’t made my mind up,” I say. It’s the truth, as I want to talk to Rafe first.
“Take all the time you need,” he answers before turning back to his own room. The implication of what he said only reaches me as I’m halfway down the stairs.
I find Rafe on the terrace looking out over the city. I stop in the doorway, just watching him for a minute. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of watching him, but I can’t put this off forever.