Page 79 of Nothing to No One

“Something’s not right with him. Do you think he’s using again?”

“I don’t know, Struan doesn’t think so. He’s got people keeping an eye on his brother to make sure it doesn’t happen again. But you can only keep someone safe as long as they want to be safe. If he chooses to go out there again, there’s nothing any of us can do to stop him.”

“He has it in his head that you two are meant to be. He talks about you all the time. Asks Roxie and Tripp. He gets frantic, worked up.”

“I know, I have the voicemails to prove it. Another reason I’d probably be back there by now, if it wasn’t for Roxie.”

“You still love him?”

“As horrific as this sounds, it’s guilt. When I hear him like that, and he’s telling me I’m the cause, that he’s in that state because of me, that he’s thinking about using and can’t survive without me… I think of all the people who rely on him. Friends. Family. Other actors, crew members, everyone connected to UO. If the one thing he needs to keep him steady is me, isn’t it selfish not to give him that?”

“You deserve your own life as much as Struan, and you’ve broken free. If you go back to Roman now, you’re showing Struan it’s not possible to get out.”

“Roxie tells me not to go back. She keeps me steady. I don’t want him in my life. If I get pulled back in again, that’s it, I’ll never get out.”

“You left for a reason. Was it the addiction?”

“Our relationship had been falling apart for a while. And I say all this but, in truth, Roman’s the type of man who’s never satisfied. If I went back, I’d be rewarding this negative behavior, proving he can get what he wants if he holds his breath long enough.”

“Should we be helping him? This has to be deeper-seeded.”

“Rehab was supposed to help. Shit, for what it cost they should’ve brought him back with a brand-new soul. There’s therapy and meetings and things he’s supposed to deal with. We spoke about bringing in one of the top-tier life coaches, people who can really help, but he doesn’t want any of it. He doesn’t do any of it.”

“Don’t they say the aftercare is just as important as the residential stay itself?”

“Yeah, it’s never a permanent state. You don’t wake up one day cured, no longer addicted to your drug, whatever it may be. It’s an ongoing process, in the same way it’s an ongoing process for all of us with mental health and trauma. We have to bewilling to admit we’re not perfect. And no one can convince him of that.”

“So why did he go to rehab in the first place?”

“I begged him to get clean for years and he never did. Maybe it was the work drying up and the whispers in the community. He was blackballed because he was just so damn unreliable. I told him I was leaving; he never accepted it. Maybe some part of him thought if he did it, I’d stay longer. Maybe I should have.”

“He’s a grown man.”

“Yes.”

“He shouldn’t need all of us wiping his chin and patting him on the head.”

“I’m sorry you got drawn into this, Bambi. Though I’m happy that Struan has someone at last. I’m sorry you’re something else he’ll lose for his brother. Because at some point you have to make a break for it, Bambi. You have to decide to go, and you have to run. As fast as you can; as far as you can. And don’t ever look back.”

“Exactly what I’ve been telling you, Ms. Sheridan, for weeks!” Roxie appeared suddenly, slapping a hand on the table as she put an arm around Sway to squeeze and lean against her. “Regifting my advice?”

The women shared a smile.

Sway raised her drink. “Can we bring Bambi with us?”

Struck by freezing panic, just as she gained a support system, she could be losing it. “Where are you going?”

“Home,” Roxie said. “New York.”

“And you’re going with them?” she asked. Sway nodded. “I’ve never been to New York.”

“It’s a wonderful city.”

“We’ll look after you there.”

She just shook her head. “Not sure even Magnus could sell that one to the media. Me and Roman’s former love elope to the Big Apple together?”

“Hey, you said you couldn’t run away with his twin. Isn’t his ex the next best thing?”

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