Page 109 of Knot All that Glitters: Part 1

A joke.

And I’m the fucking punchline.

A whine pulls from my chest that I have no hope of stopping. The rejection is too fucking heavy.

Will I never, ever fucking be good enough for anyone? Not my mother who left me. Not my father, who blamed me for being born an omega. Not this pack who I thought was mine, but they are so clearly not. I have one friend. One. No life because my father has kept me isolated. So isolated.

I thought someone finally wanted me… but they don’t.

My vision goes blurry, but not from tears. From lack of oxygen. I can’t breathe.

I jerk away from the computer and stumble to my feet, hands clawing at my chest like I can reach inside my ribs and force my lungs to inflate. It doesn’t work, of course. The only option is to get out.Get out. Get out.

I stumble up the stairs and out the side door, slamming my fist against my chest, trying to spark my lungs to fucking do something. I step into the yard and the rain hits my face. The icy water is enough of a shock that I gasp. That first sip of air has me heaving in gulps of oxygen, gulps that turn into sobs.

My legs crumple and I curl in on myself in the middle of the yard, grass and mud staining my jeans, rain soaking me from above. I know I need to get up. I need to leave. To find some place where I can… what? Be safe? That place doesn’t exist. Notfor me. I can’t go back to my father. Well, I could, but I refuse. I deserve more than to be his punching bag. They know where Florence lives and will assume I’ve gone there. I know my friend will fight to the end to keep me safe, and I can’t be sure that this pack of alphas or my father wouldn’t hurt her in order to continue hurting me. I don’t have any money of my own. If I use any of the credit cards in my wallet, someone will be able to find me. My father. This pack.

Maybe I can find cash. They must have a stash somewhere in this giant house, right? Maybe I can find it and hide in a hotel for a while, figure out my next move.

Or… my mind flashes to the omega I met at The Market, the pretty one with the light brown hair and the silver eyes. Sadie. Maybe she could help me. Her alphas seemed… decent. Or at least as decent as alphas can get.

And Sadie was nice. Really nice.

I have her phone number. I’ll call her.

Decided. I sniff and try to get the motivation to move. But it’s so fucking hard.

Everything is wrong.

I’mwrong.

I must be because nobody wants me. No matter how hard I try, what I accomplish, how much of a good girl, omega,personI try to be. I’m never enough.

Not enough for my mother to stay.

Not enough for my father to love me.

Not enough for a pack to choose me.

Not enough for Hale and Jude and Atticus and Creed to want me. Truly want me.

The cold from the rain and the mud seeps into me, invades my veins and my bones all the way to my marrow. My eyes drift closed. The cold turns to shivering, turns to numbness.Just get up, Haven. Move.

I don’t.

I stay as I am with my forehead pressing to the grass, my arms curled around my stomach.

This is easier. I’ll just… disappear. Yes. I can go to sleep here and never wake up. What a nice, peaceful way to go, with the scent of dirt and grass in my nose and rain on my skin.

I wonder how long it’ll take for anyone to even notice? I suppose when the gardener comes, he’ll find me. So that’s something.

No,a small voice at the back of my head snarls, or at least tries to. It sounds an awful lot like Florence.You aren’t just giving up on yourself.

Why not?I say back.Everyone else has.

The argument circles in my head, around and around. Only broken by the sound of loud voices from inside. The rain’s stopped, but night has fallen. I don’t know how long I’ve been out here. Hours? Probably. I have no clue and I can’t bring myself to care. I hear someone call my name and that makes me stir somewhat. But I can’t lift my head.

I’m too late. I should have run when I had the chance.

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