Page 39 of Knot All that Glitters: Part 1

I smile as I turn to face them, feeling them watching me. I refuse to let them think I’m disappointed, even if I am.

“It’s perfect,” I lie. “Very pretty. Super soothing.”Shut up, Haven. You’re overdoing it.

Tic’s brows lower. Actually, all of them are scowling at me. Creed huffs and sets my suitcase near one of the two doors in the room. The closet, I guess.

“Don’t lie, baby girl,” he mutters, barely loud enough for me to hear. He still hasn’t touched me, has hardly said anything to me since I got here. It’s so different from how it was when we first talked, from that night at The Market that I wonder if now that we’ve had a few conversations he realizes he doesn’t want me, not like he thought he did. “If you hate it, say so.”

I look at him with an open mouth as Hale barks out a laugh. “We didn’t want to do too much. We know most omegas have blankets and things in their nests that they bring with them when they travel to make them feel more comfortable, safer.”

I blink. Crap. He’s right. Most omegas would bring at least a part of their nest with them. But then, most omegashavea nest.

“I’ve never had a nest. Not at home, anyway,” I admit, shrugging. Anytime I’d started nesting, my father ordered the maids and the housekeeper to tear it apart, wash everything and make the bed the ‘correct’ way. It was devastating to see it happen over and over again, so eventually I stopped. Well, I stopped when he got tired of me doing it and barked at me.

It wouldn’t have been a real nest, anyway. I’ve never felt safe enough in my father’s house to fully settle into the nesting instinct. My room has never really been my own. He could come in at any time and ruin any safety I felt with a few well-placed commands.

I realize what I said was shocking, but I didn’t think they’d stare in such obvious horror at the revelation.

“Never?” Jude asks, brow furrowed.

I look back at the bed and then away again. “I had one at the Academy. All omegas do. There’s an entire class on it, which doesn’t really make sense, since nest building is entirely subjective to the person building it. It’s personal, you know? Anyway, when I graduated…” I pause to find a way to tell them what an asshole my father is without breaking one of his commandments. Finally I settle with, “Well, you know his views on designation. They extend to his home life as well, which means they extend to my home life.”

There’s nothing wrong with what I said. In fact, it’s the image my father wants people to have of him. Practicing what he preaches. Just a good man, fighting for equality for all designations, no more Alpha’s only being in control.

Which is funny, because that’s exactly what he is. An alpha in control, with a slew of crazy followers bordering on fanatical in their beliefs. Beta’s mostly. But a lot of alphas as well. I’ve never heard of an omega who supports him… well, except for me. But we know how he’s gained my support.

They’re still looking at me like I’m a breakable thing.

I shrug again, then move over to the closet, dragging my bag inside. “It makes him happy, and my life is easier if he’s happy.”

“Does it make you happy, angel?”

I glance over my shoulder as I set my bag by the built-in dresser. Instinct tells me to unpack and make this place my own,but I push it aside. I’ll leave my things in my bag and try not to make too big a mess. “My happiness doesn’t really matter, not to him.”

There’s a sharp stab of pain behind my eyes as I utter the words, a warning that I’ve crossed a line I shouldn’t. But the meds Ren gave me earlier do their job and battle it back to a dull ache. I suspect that most of my time here will be spent with a low grade throb in my brain.

After all, I shouldn’t really be here.

If my father knew he’d be furious, and the only way I’m able to even set foot into this house is by telling myself he’s never going to find out. Ever. Like never, ever. Not until it’s too late for him to do any about it. Like maybe if I keep sneaking around with the Calloway pack and they eventually claim me.

If that happens, if they bite me, bond me, I could throw off most of his commands by will. My bond with them would supersede my familial bond with my father, and I’d feel less inclined to obey him. It might take a bit, but I could do it. I’m sure.

“That’s fucked up, little mouse,” Hale says, sounding like he means it.

I give him a small smile. “Yeah, well, he’s not the first father to care more about his ambitions than his child. I’m sure he won’t be that last.” Sometimes speaking in generalities helps.

“Would you want a nest?” Tic asks, head tilted. Hale shoots him a dark warning look that I don’t understand, but Atticus ignores it. “If you had the chance to have one?”

My heart flutters in my chest at the idea of having a genuine nest, one that’s all mine. One that the alphas in my life respected as mine, wouldn’t enter without my say so. I want to feel safe. Want to have a place where I can relax fully and hide away if I need to. Cuddle under a mountain of blankets and pillows and clothes that smell like my pack.

But I can’t say that. The directive to support my father’s policies is thundering through me at the same time as that want, that need, that hope.

I don’t want to lie to them either.

“That’s irrelevant at the moment,” I say with another small smile to show them I’m not bothered by it. I won’t have a nest while I live under my father’s roof. I know that. Hoping and wishing for it won’t change that fact.

And right now, I wouldn’t be able to build a nest even if they revealed a room full of the softest, most luxurious blankets and fluffiest pillows. Frederick Bell has declared I will not build a nest, and so I won’t.

Creed curses under his breath and storms out of the room. A moment later, a door slams in the house. Jude gives me a tentative smile and slings an arm around my shoulders. “Don’t worry about Creed. He’s a surly motherfucker at the best of times. But inside he’s really just a big ol’ marshmallow.”

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