Page 131 of Maverick

"How old were you?" she asks quietly.

"Eight."

"God, honey. So little."

"A few years older than Mia. It's funny, at the time, I thought I was so grown. I used to hold my mom's hand, and walk her to and from the bus, keeping watch. She always called memi hombrecito.Her little man. And I took that responsibility seriously. Our neighborhood was dangerous, and I knew it."

"Please tell me that you understand you were just a kid. Tell me you don't blame yourself for anything that happened."

"I don't anymore. I took it on at first. I would imagine all these scenarios, play them over and over in my head. Ways that I would have killed the bad guys, or rescued my mom."

"When did you finally understand that it wasn't your fault?"

"That was Ransom. He somehow knew what happened to all of us. I sometimes wonder if he broke into the filing cabinets when we were at that group home. Either way, he was always watchful. And when any of us started to self-destruct, he would take us out and talk. And talk. And talk. And somehow, he always made it better."

Cadence lifts her head. "Talking helps, huh," she says, raising an eyebrow at me.

I run my thumb over her brows, smoothing out the little furrow that's formed there. "You're right," I admit, my voice low. "I should have talked to you. I wanted to, I really did."

Cadence shifts slightly, getting more comfortable against me. She drops her chin against my pec and looks up at me with soft eyes. She is so fucking accepting. I know if I could have just told her what was going on in my head a week ago, we would have been fine. But I just couldn't do it, no matter how hard I tried.

"I was just... I got so lost in those memories," I continue, struggling to find the right words. "And then the fear for you... it was like this tidal wave that just swept everything else away."

I take a deep breath, feeling the rise and fall of Cadence's chest against mine. "I tried, you know? I'd open my mouth to explain, but the words... they just wouldn't come. It was like they were stuck somewhere between my brain and my tongue."

Cadence's hand finds mine, her fingers intertwining with my own. The simple gesture gives me hope that I didn't destroy everything.

"Every time I thought about telling you, I'd see my mom on that stage again. I'd hear those gunshots. And then suddenly, it wasn't my mom I was seeing anymore. It was you."

I swallow hard, fighting back the lump in my throat. "The idea of losing you like that... it paralyzed me. I couldn't think straight, let alone talk about it."

"We have to be able to talk to each other. I understand this is a big one. Everything makes so much more sense now. But moving forward, I need to know that you won't make unilateral decisions like this again. We have to be a team if we want this to stay good."

"You'll stay?"

"Yeah, I will. I have to admit though, it was a close one. Your trauma butted up against mine, and we almost blew everything up today."

"Your trauma?"

"I've got a bit of a self fulfilling abandonment thing going on. Nan's got me all figured out, and set me straight. I'm not sure how I didn't realize it myself, but I guess it doesn't matter, anyway."

It matters to me. "Spell it out for me. What self fulfilling abandonment thing?"

She groans and drops her cheek to my chest. "After I left the club, I roared in here ready to pack up and leave. Nan told me that I can't always blow things out of proportion."

"I like your Nan."

"Oh yeah? She also told me to threaten to leave, and be fully prepared to, if you don't smarten up."

"God, she's tough."

"Yeah she is."

"But you're not going anywhere now, right?"

She pushes up, sitting on knees. "Do you promise to talk to me. And have a logical discussion about things."

I want to say yes, so badly. But I'm realizing that would get me in bigger trouble. "I'm not sure I'm able to be logical about you working at the club. I'd like to be, but I'm not there right this minute."

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