Page 60 of Maverick

“It’s not that I don’t want to live with him,” she absently pops a fry in her mouth and chews. “I love him. Big, real, scary love. But I don’t want to jump into anything.”

Janey makes a low sound, and rubs Bree’s back. “Nick is good, Bree. Truly good, right to the core. He’s nothing like Tyler.”

“Who’s Tyler?”

Bree sighs. “You haven’t heard this story, huh?” She blows out a breath and rubs her thumb over the tines of her fork. “He was my boyfriend. Things with him went very bad. He…he hurt me.”

“He would have killed you, Bree.”

She nods, it’s tiny, barely noticeable, and it breaks my heart that she ever had to deal with something like that. “Cara got there in time. She…we had to fight, and he ended up dead.”

“Holy fuck.”

“Yeah, pretty much. I missed some very big reg flags with him. I let so much go. I brushed it off and made excuses for him.”

“And now you’re afraid Nick is the same way?” I ask. I can’t see him ever being a bad guy, but we don’t always know the core of people.

“No!,” she says, eyes wide. “Never. It’s not about him. It’s me. I just don’t always trust myself. So for me, it feels better to have my own space. Sometimes, I just need to be alone to deal with some of my shit.”

“Is alone really the best option though?” Janey asks.

“Yeah, it is. I’m still seeing my counselor. I’m doing that work. But sometimes, I just need to sit with myself, you know?”

“I do know,” I tell her. “I think I get what you’re talking about. It’s not that you’re hiding away, it’s like you need to just listen to yourself without all the noise? Is that what you mean?”

Her smile is slow, and sweet. “That’s exactly what I mean. Nick’s always there to listen. He’s great at that. But yeah, sometimes, I need to crawl into my little nest and work stuff out myself.”

“None of that sounds bad,” Janey says. “Nothing has to change until you’re ready for it to. You’re in charge.”

“I’m in charge,” she repeats slowly. “I like that.” She leans back, giving Janey a look. “You going to take your own advice?”

“It’s not the same thing,” Janey says, blushing. What is going on here? We chat when they come to the rescue to volunteer, but it’s mostly superficial. Fun, but superficial. I didn’t know Bree had been attacked. I had no idea that Cara saved her. And now, it looks like Janey’s got some things going on too. I keep my mouth shut, hoping they’ll forget I’m here and let me in on the secret.

Bree gives her a look. “It is the same thing. You’re in charge, right. So why not speak up and let him know what you want?”

“Because it’s too soon. It’s crazy.”

“You’re married. How is it too soon.”

“We got married fast. It hasn’t even been a year yet.”

“Babies can come anytime. You know that. There’s lots of women that have babies before they get married, or on their own, or adopt like Evie. You’re not wrong for wanting one.”

There’s no way I can keep my mouth shut. “Wait, are you saying you want a baby, and Jonas isn’t on board?” I can’t even imagine that. He’s amazing with Mia and baby Noah. He would be an incredible dad.

“I…well I haven’t actually talked to him about it.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s too soon!” she says, throwing her hands up. “We need to be married longer. We need to get to know each other better.”

“I guess…” I say slowly. “But you guys seem pretty in sync most of the time. What more do you need to know?”

“We haven’t really talked about babies.”

“So bring it up,” Bree says, nudging Janey’s side. “That’s all you have to do. Turn to him at supper one night, and say ‘I’d like to talk about having a family, and what that might look like.’ He’s not going to be upset.”

Janey bites her lip, and stares down at her rapidly cooling food. Dishes clatter, voices murmur, but it’s all static as Bree and I narrow in on Janey’s next words. “But what if our babies are like me?”

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