Page 151 of Ransom

Never.

"You're making this real hard, kid," Jerry says, closing the file. "I'm out of foster homes willing to take you. You know what happens next? Group home. And trust me, you don't want that. Some of those places are only a step up from jail."

"Don't care," I mutter, still not meeting his eyes. There's a little thread of anxiety that tries to unravel in my chest, but it withers away fast. It's hard to get too worked up about anything when I've already lost everything that ever mattered.

"Well, I do," Jerry snaps, surprising me. I glance up, seeing the frustration etched on his face. Normally he’s pretty chill, so the fact that he’s not right now is a tiny bit interesting. "I'm not giving up on you, Ransom. Not yet."

He leans back in his chair, running a hand through his thinning hair. "I've got a friend. I used to work with him on the force. I called him up, and... he might be willing to take you in." I glance over at the pictures at the side of his desk. He's in uniform, looking young and buff. Who the hell stops being a cop to become a social worker? It seems like a downgrade to me. A lot less power, and a fuck of a lot more shit to deal with.

Shit like me. "You're sending me to stay with a cop?"

"He's not a cop anymore," Jerry says. "Left for a smaller town years ago. Runs a garage now. Moved there with his daughter—she's... different. Wasn't doing well in the city."

I don't respond, just go back to staring at the floor. What's the point? It'll end the same way it always does. I'll make sureof it. The group home doesn't scare me. Nothing scares me anymore.

And who knows, maybe the group home will save me the trouble of trying to off myself again. I keep fucking failing. I’m not good at anything, not even killing myself.

Jerry leans forward, his voice softer now. "Look, Ranny. I know you're hurting. I can't even imagine what you're going through. But you can't keep pushing everyone away. Sooner or later, you've got to let someone in."

I clench my fists, feeling that familiar anger bubbling up. He doesn't know shit. He doesn't have to live with this guilt, this shame. He doesn't wake up every night smelling smoke, hearing his sisters' screams, wishing he'd died with them.

"When do I leave?" I ask, my voice flat. Fighting him would take more energy than I have. It doesn't matter anyway. I'll be back here soon enough. The new guy will quit on me too. I'll make sure of it.

Jerry sighs, the sound heavy with exhaustion. "Tomorrow morning. I'll drive you myself. For tonight, just keep your head down, please. The Wilsons are at their breaking point."

The breaking point. I wonder how hard it would be to push them into doing something bad. Something that I can't recover from.

I spend too long thinking about that possibility. That would get me out of the hell my life is now. Then we’re done, and I stand. As I reach for the door, Jerry speaks again.

"Ranny... give this one a chance, okay? For me?"

I don't answer. I can't make that promise. I just walk out, leaving Jerry slumped at his desk, looking more tired than I've ever seen him. And I ignore the lines of stress on Mrs. Wilson's face as she escorts me out. Lines of stress I put there.

I pressmy forehead against the cool glass of the car window, watching the city fade away. Concrete and steel give way to endless fields of green, dotted with grazing cows and rusty tractors. My stomach churns, and it ain't just from Jerry's crappy driving.

This wide-open space is freaking me out. Where are the alleys to duck into? The crowds to disappear in? Out here, I feel exposed, like a bug under a microscope. No way am I staying out here.

Jerry's humming some old country tune, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. I want to tell him to shut up, but I'm too busy trying not to puke.

We pass a sign that makes my heart sink even further. "Badger Falls," it proclaims in faded paint. "Population 2462."

"What kind of bumfuck town is this?" I mutter, not really meaning to say it out loud.

Jerry chuckles. "It's not so bad. Might do you some good to slow down a bit."

I turn to glare at him. "Why am I here? This is really fucking far from the city."

He sighs, his eyes still on the road. "Robert's an old friend from back in the day. We worked together on the force."

"I ain't stupid. You already said that." I snort. "Why the hell are we coming out here? This can't be legal. Are you allowed to dump kids out in the country?"

"I'm not dumping you. And my supervisors agreed to let me try," Jerry corrects. "And Robert's... different. The most easy-going guy I've ever met. Always chill, you know? Could talk to anyone and make 'em feel at ease."

I roll my eyes. "So what?"

Jerry's quiet for a moment, then says softly, "He's the kind of man you need right now, Ranny. Someone who can handle your shit without breaking a sweat."

I turn back to the window, watching the endless fields roll by. My chest feels tight, like I can't get enough air. This place, this Robert guy - it all feels wrong. But what choice do I have?

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