Page 25 of Ransom

"It's time to take him to bed," she says, bending to pick up Max, but just lowering herself to the floor has her panting. She sits, head bowed, shaking hands on her lap.

"I've got him," I say softly, scooping Max into my arms. There's a thick layer of snow outside, but somehow, he still smells like dirt.

"Gimme that worm," he mumbles, then drops straight back to sleep. This kid puts his whole effort into everything he does, whether it's sleeping or catching bugs. Everything is full tilt, all the time, and I love that about him.

Lowering him carefully to his bed, I move to the doorway, watching Maggie tuck him in. Her movements are slow, deliberate, filled with love, like she knows her opportunities to do it are limited.

It's too much.

I retreat to the kitchen, needing something to do with my hands.

I'm elbow-deep in suds when Maggie's voice breaks the silence.

"I'm stopping chemo."

The plate I'm holding slips from my hand, clattering in the sink. Breathing deeply, I clutch the edge of the sink, letting my body absorb the impact of her words. I turn slowly, meeting Maggie's eyes.

"Mags..." I start, but she holds up a hand.

"I've made up my mind, Blair. I'm tired of being sick from the treatment. Nothing tastes good, and I feel like it's destroying what little bit of health I have left. Everything is a blur of nausea and exhaustion. How am I supposed to be a mom when I can barely stay awake? Max deserves better."

I swallow hard, fighting back tears. "But there might be a new treatment, or?—"

"No," Maggie says. Her tone is soft, but there's steel coating the words. "I've been down that road, Blair. You know that. You were with me the whole time. I've done everything they asked me to do. I let them inject me with every drug they could get their hands on."

Her eyes are shining with tears, and that scares me more than anything else. Maggie's always so strong. Even when she's curled up on the floor next to the toilet, heaving, she doesn't crack. But now, she's letting me see it. The pain, the sadness, and the resolve. "I've been living on borrowed time for years. It's time to stop fighting and spend the rest of the time I have left living."

"I don't want to watch you waste away," I whisper. I want to yell it at her. For her to know how deeply I hate every word coming out of her mouth. But I can't.

I can't catch my breath.

Maggie crosses the room, taking my soapy hands in hers. "I know, honey. It sucks, and if I could spare you, I would, but I need you with me for this. You and Max are my whole world."

The dam breaks. I drop my forehead to her shoulder, sobbing. She holds me tight, her own body shaking.

"Remember when we were kids?" Maggie says on a shuddering exhale. "And I got sick the first time?"

I nod against her shoulder.

"You were there for me then, too. Crawling through my window at night to hold me when I was scared. Making me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry."

I pull back, wiping my eyes. "That's different. We were supposed to grow old together, Mags. We're supposed to be those inappropriate ladies sitting in the town square, yelling at the kids. I'm really looking forward to that."

Maggie chuckles. "I bet you we could do that right now. Cancer gives me a free pass, right? Plus, the whole dying thing. We can buy ourselves some matching tracksuits and park our lawn chairs on the sidewalk outside the café."

If she's still here in thespring... "I like that idea."

"I want to live, Blair," Maggie says, her voice strong. "I want to laugh with my friends, sit on the porch, and love on my son. And when it's time... I want to go in my own bed, with you and Max holding my hand."

I take a shaky breath, shoving down all the things I want to say. I won’t beg, or scream, or manipulate her. I can’t. It’s her life. "Okay," I whisper. "Okay. We'll do it your way."

We stay up late into the night, talking and laughing like we've done for decades. But as I lie in bed later, staring at the ceiling, the weight of it all comes crashing down.

Dad's only been gone a year. How am I supposed to lose Maggie too? How many more people can I watch slip away?

I curl into a ball, muffling my sobs in the pillow. For Maggie's sake, I'll be strong. I'll laugh and plan and make every day count. But here, in the dark, I let myself fall apart.

Because tomorrow, I have to put myself back together. For Maggie. For Max. For the life we still have left to live.

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