Page 26 of Ransom

9

RANSOM

"Janey's throwing up all the time. I don't like this at all."

Jonas stands in my office doorway, hands clenched at his sides, a picture of fury and frustration.

"I'm sorry she's sick. But from what I know, that's pretty normal."

"It isnotmorning sickness. She's throwing up at night, and at lunch, and at bedtime."

Closing the lid on my laptop, I head for the door and close it, then urge Jonas to the couch, using a soft hand on his back. I'm prepared for him to shrug it off. He's in a heightened state and might not want to be touched, but he doesn't actually seem to register my touch at all. "Sit down, brother."

Jonas drops onto the couch, hair sticking up in odd angles like he's been yanking on it.

"I don't know what to do," he says, his voice strained. "Janey's sick all the time, and I can't fix it. I can't make it better."

I sit down next to him, careful to give him space. "Have you talked to her doctor about it?"

Jonas nods, his eyes fixed on a spot on the floor. "They say it's normal, but it doesn't feel normal. What if something's wrong? What if she gets sicker and?—"

"Jonas. Stop. Don't go down that road. She's okay. The doctor says so. You're smart, but you didn't go to medical school. The doctor's the expert, so if she’s not worried, you don't need to be either."

His fingers pluck at the seam on the outside of his pants. "I have been reading about complications common in pregnancy. There is a lot that could happen."

Aw, fuck. Why does he do that shit to himself? Because he's a fucking genius and consumes knowledge the way Kade does sugar. "I know that I can't stop you from worrying about her, but Jonas, you're going to make both of you miserable if you spend her entire pregnancy in this state of panic. She needs you to be strong for her. You've gotta calm yourself down."

"Calm," he says slowly, then pins me with a worried look. "I am not good at calm."

Calm used to be a big problem. "You're a lot better than you were. Maybe you can think of it like a game. Try and come up with ways to keep Janey calm, and maybe some of that stuff will work on you too."

He scowls, staring at some point between my eyebrows. "My Janey likes me to rub her back."

"Good. Then do more of that."

Nodding, he stares down at his hands, looking not at all relaxed. "What if—" He stops abruptly, swallowing hard.

"What if what, Jonas?" I prod gently.

He looks up at me, his eyes wide with fear. "What if I am a bad father? What if I forget the baby exists? What if I do not know what to do?"

I can't help it; I laugh, which earns me a glare from Jonas. "Sorry, but you're out of your fucking mind. You're going to be a great dad."

"But I'm not like other dads," Jonas insists. "My autism... what if it makes it hard for me to love the baby?"

I lean back, crossing my arms. "Alright, I'm gonna need you to get your head out of your ass for a second."

Jonas blinks, startled by my bluntness. I'll take that look on his face over the doubt any day.

"You're the most caring man I know, Jonas. You take such good care of Janey. Of all of us, really. How can you not see it?"

He shakes his head, but I press on. "You remember everyone's birthdays, favorite foods, allergies. You worry about our safety. Hell, you were lecturing Colton on his eating habits this morning."

"That's different," Jonas mumbles.

"How?" I challenge. "You think caring for a baby is going to be that different from how you care for your family now?"

Jonas falls silent, considering my words.

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