Page 63 of Ransom

"And then what? I move to Badger Falls? My life is in Chicago. Family is in Chicago."

"Brother," he breathes, "you're spinning out. We're two hours away. And you're never going to be rid of us. We're too fucking attached. We're family for life."

I swallow hard, emotion threatening to overwhelm me. It's true. I know I won't lose them, even if we don't see each otherevery day. I know that in my head. My heart though? It has a big problem with the idea of not being there to take care of them. "Yeah, I know."

"So stay," Nick urges. "Spend a day with her. What's the worst that could happen?"

"I could lose everything," I whisper.

"Or you could gain something you never knew you were missing," Nick counters. "You won't lose us, brother. We'll be here, no matter what, you fucking drama queen."

I close my eyes, conflicted. The pull towards Blair, towards the possibility of what could be wars with the fear of losing the family I've fought so hard to build.

"I don't know if I can," I admit.

"You can," Nick assures me. "And we'll be right here waiting for you. Whatever you decide."

His unwavering support nearly breaks me. "Thanks, brother. I... I'll think about it."

As I hang up the phone, I'm left with a swirling mess of emotions. The road stretches out before me. Do I drive away, back to the safety and certainty of the life I've built? Or do I turn around, back towards Blair and the panic attack I feel coming on?

I sit there, engine idling, torn between two worlds and unsure which path to take.

My life is amazing. My brothers, their wives, the kids. I love all of it. My life is in Chicago, with all of them. I'm alive because of them. And that's not an exaggeration. I was in a different group home when I first got back to Chicago. It was a hellhole, but I was so numb from losing Blair and Robert that I couldn't do much more than survive. But I watched everyone around me, Robert's voice playing on repeat through my head. I even tried to make a few connections. But none of it was right.

I wasn't right.

And slowly, day after day, things got clearer. I realized I didn't need to have all the answers because it wasn't about me. Yeah, I was building a family, and I was going to benefit from that, but really, it was an act of contrition. A way to make up for the mistakes I made.

Taking kids who had nothing and nobody looking out for them and giving them someone to depend on was reparation.

And, as it turns out, my salvation.

Because once I had this family, I realized that just getting by wasn't good enough for them. They deserved more.

They deserved fucking everything.

And I was going to do whatever I had to do to make sure they got it.

It wasn't about me. It never has been.

And up until Robert came to see me, my path was clear. I was a fucking freight train barreling toward my future. But everything I planned, everything I wanted, I've gotten.

The road stretches out before me. It should be simple. Just go home. But I can't do it. Who the fuck am I? Everything I've built, everything I've worked for, is in Chicago.

But I can't bring myself to keep moving. There's something unfinished back in Badger Falls, something I need to explore before I can truly move on—or decide if moving on is what I really want.

22

BLAIR

Iarch my back, gasping as his hands roam over my heated skin. Our bodies move in perfect synchronicity, sweat-slicked and desperate. His lips find my neck, sending shivers down my spine as I dig my nails into his shoulders. The tension builds, coiling tighter and tighter until?—

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

I jolt awake, heart racing for an entirely different reason now. Blinking rapidly, I try to shake off the lingering fragments of the intensely vivid dream. The sun's barely peeking through the curtains, but I'm already wide awake, my skin still tingling with phantom sensations. It's been too long since I had sex. That's all this is. It's not about Ransom. We never went that far. We didn't have sex. We never actually got close. There was just a lot of making out and very heavy petting.

I knew what he felt like in my hand, but I never got to see him.

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