Page 125 of Filthy Dirty Dom

"Marry someone who can give you a safe, respectable life. Not someone like me."

"No," she protested immediately, shaking her head furiously. "Alex, I don't want—"

"You deserve better than what I can offer you," he cut her off, his voice steady despite the tumultuous emotions swirling within him. "You deserve a life without fear, without danger lurking in every shadow."

Her lips quivered, her hand reaching out as though to touch him, but she hesitated.

"You are everything, Leslie. Everything good in this world. Find your happiness.”

Without me.

"No,” she said emphatically. “You’re not going anywhere, Alex. You’re not leaving my life. You’re not leaving New York. Absolutely not. You’re going to stay, and I’m going to fight for you, and someday soon you’re going to accept that if I’m everything to you, you’re the air I breathe. I don’t care if we get married, but we’ll be together. We can have a family. Kids.”

Alex sucked in a breath, the temptation of what she was dangling in front of him too much to bear. Which is why his voice was so harsh when he said, "Mia was pregnant when she was killed," he spit out.

He watched as her defiant and hopeful expression changed to shock and horror.

"Alex, no…I’m so sorry,” she said, her eyes filled with pain and empathy. He knew she understood the depth of his loss, the guilt and remorse that still haunted him.

"Our baby…I called her my little monkey from the moment we learned we were having a girl. She never got to live because having me in their lives was dangerous. I caused Mia and our unborn child to be killed."

"Alex, that wasn't your fault," Leslie said, her voice trembling. This time she didn’t stop herself from touching him. Her hand covered his heart, right over the tattoo of the monkey that represented his little girl.

Hating to do it, doing it painfully, Alex gently removed her hand.

The hurt he delivered in that moment was all over her face.

He steeled himself against it and shook his head. "Leslie, it was," he insisted. "They died because of me. And I will not risk that again. That's why I had a vasectomy after Mia's death."

“I don’t care,” she said instantly.

“I do. I can’t be the man you need.”

Alex rose out of bed, yet another physical symbol of separating from Leslie, ready to play his trump card. It would be the blow that finally severed whatever remaining connection they had left. “But maybe…maybe I can help you find him,” he said.

She reeled back. “What?”

Even uttering the words had caused a surge of possessiveness he'd never felt before. The idea of Leslie with some nameless, faceless man other than him was... unbearable. But he had to move past that.

“Leslie—”

“Don’t you dare say that again! You think my love for you would ever accept you leaving and setting me up with another man? How little you think of me. Well congratulations, Alex. You’ve finally managed to convince me we don’t belong together. Not if you can resort to something like this. So make your choice, but don’t think you can do it with a clear conscience. If you walk away, you’re not doing it for me.”

He scowled. “You’re wrong.”

“You’re wrong. More than protecting me, you’re protecting yourself from loss again. I know you’re too smart not to see that, yet you’re still choosing this course. I hope it’s worth it to you. That safety. If it is, then this hurt of mine, it will pass. And maybe someday I’ll find a way to be happy for you. Because I love you wholeheartedly, Alex, and if loving me is too much a sacrifice for you to bear, I’ll live with that. But thank you. Thank you for everything. For protecting me. For protecting my family all these years. Be at peace, Alex.”

57

The hum of the jet’s engine served as the only noise in the small cabin as they flew over the ocean, its dark expanse stretching beneath them. Instead of returning directly to New York, they'd headed to Scotland to join their friends and families for Branden and Cara's wedding. When Alex had called Branden to let him know that they were safe, the threat eliminated, Branden had been beside himself with relief.

"Thank God, Alex," he'd said. "Thank you. I'll owe you forever."

"You owe me nothing, Branden." Not when Leslie had always been his to protect. And not when he'd destroyed what they could have been together.

Alex had turned the phone over to Leslie then, and she'd started crying when she'd heard Branden's voice. He'd left them in peace, and Leslie hadn't spoken a word to Alex since they boarded the plane for Scotland.

Alex leaned back in his seat, watching Leslie, who stared blankly out the window.

---