Page 128 of Filthy Dirty Dom

“Alright. Talk soon.”

When he was finally home and called Lee again, his brother commanded, “Spill.”

And he did. He told him everything. His mission in Afghanistan and Father Alessio. The real reason for Mia’s death, and what he’d done to avenge her. Leslie. Caris. Livia. And his decision to leave New York. The only thing he left out was the details of his and Leslie’s sexual explorations.

When he was done, only a stunned silence filled the air.

Finally, Lee cleared his throat, his voice a gentle murmur over the line. "That's... a lot to take in, Alex."

"Tell me about it," Alex replied, a weary chuckle escaping him. It felt odd, almost surreal, to have voiced his fears and secrets aloud, to have them floating between him and Lee.

"I’m going to need to process this shit, by myself and with you, but for now, let me remind you two things. I love you. That hasn’t changed.”

The sheer intensity of his relief told him he’d feared what he was telling Lee would affect his brother’s feelings for him. “I love you, too, Lee. And the second thing?”

“Alyssa is dying.”

The blunt statement caused Alex to flinch. Alyssa was Lee’s girlfriend. She had a daughter, Natalie, who Lee had adopted after they’d learned Alyssa didn’t have long to live. Lee cared for, maybe even loved Alyssa, yet Alex knew she wasn’t the love of his life any more than Mia had been his. But that wouldn’t make Lee grieve any less when Alyssa passed.

“I know that, Lee. What’s your point?”

“She won’t make it past the spring. I'll be left with our little girl. Alone."

Alex could hardly fathom his brother's pain, his own tragedy suddenly dwarfed by Lee’s impending loss. “I’m so sorry, Lee,” he managed to choke out.

There was a small sigh from the other end of the line. “Thank you, Alex. But listen to me. You think the greatest hell is loving someone only for them to be taken from you, but it’s not. It’s never truly having them in the first place. My time with Alyssa will be too damn short, but I don’t regret a minute of it. She’s brought so many good things to my life, and I don’t just mean Natalie."

His words resonated deep within Alex, stirring a tide of emotions.

“But you’re not the reason she has to leave you, Lee. The cancer is.”

“I’m still the one that’s helpless in the face of that cancer. You don’t think I blame myself, even though it’s not logical? You don’t think I tell myself that I could have hired better doctors, flown her to Switzerland, convinced her to try experimental procedures? When it comes to those we love, we can’t help but blame ourselves for not doing enough. For not being enough. But what you need to do is stop being so goddamn selfish, and really think about what you mean to Leslie, and what you leaving is going to do to her. Do you really think she’ll be better off without you, because if you do, you’re not as smart as I thought you were.”

Lee’s words were like a slap in the face. Of course Leslie would miss him. He didn’t doubt she’d miss him. That she’d hurt, maybe for a long time, but he knew she’d get over him.

Only…did he?

Lee’s words suddenly had him doubting that.

Alex distinctly remembered Leslie arguing with him, rejecting his insistence that he was a monster. Telling him he was the air she breathed.

Fuck, if that was true…

She needed air to live.

Did that mean part of her would die without him?

Just like he was dying without her.

The realization struck him like a blast of dynamite.

He couldn’t protect Leslie from everything. And part of that meant he couldn’t protect her from himself. They all had their shadows—hell, Leslie faced danger every day because her family was so wealthy—but it had never entered his mind to reject her because of that. And as for her hurting because of him…

Hadn’t she suffered enough given the constant push and pull that had played out between them? By the very fact that he’d brought her to another man to…to service her…when he knew all she wanted was him?

The peace he’d started to feel in Italy after he’d taken her virginity, the peace he’d felt earlier at Mia’s and Lenore’s graves, started to swell in proportion to his strengthening resolve.

“Are you hearing what I’m saying, Alex?” Lee said.

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