Page 89 of Submission

You’re going to stay alive! You’re going to say it to my face! You have to wake up, or I’ll destroy everything you love! You’re not allowed to leave me!

What will I do if you leave me?

“Boss?”

I look up to see Lars standing there, a weary expression on his face. “Christian and Vaughn took Lena back to the apartment. Parker’s gone with them and he’s arranging a full security detail around the apartment. I’m staying here with you.”

I nod, feeling drained. “How long has it been?”

He knows what I’m referring to. I have no idea how long we’ve been here. I don’t even know how long I’ve been standing at this damn vending machine.

“An hour.”

I sigh and then slump into a waiting chair. “She’ll be fine.”

“Of course, she will,” Lars says, his voice tight. “You fell in love with a fighter.”

“Love, huh?” I look down at the murky-looking liquid in the cup. “Am I in love with Megan? Isthislove?”

Lars looks at me with an expression I don’t think I’ve ever seen from him before…compassion.

“You don’t react the way you did if you’re not in love with a woman, but I don’t know what that means for you.”

“What do you mean by that?” I glance over at him and repeat his words. "What it means for me."

He studies me. “You’ve always tried to get rid of anything you consider a weakness. Megan is your weakness. Your sister is definitely one as well, but dare I say that Megan is even a bigger one.”

“I’m not going to get rid of her,” I snarl at him, my face twisting. “She’s in the fucking operating room. You want me to–“

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Lars frowns, his Danish accent growing thicker as it occasionally does. “I'm not telling you to get rid of her. Just the opposite. She’s good for you. She’s made you more human.”

“I was always human, Lars.“

“You know what I mean. You look happier and have more of a balance in your life. I think that’s a good thing. It’s healthy. All this power and money, what does it matter if you have no one to share it with?”

“I may love her, and she may be good for me, but what the fuck have I done forher,Lars. The kind of life I lead puts anyone I care about in danger,” I reply, Megan’s shocked face after being shot flashing in front of my eyes. “When she wakes up from this, she should run as far from me as she can,” I say, knowing that the very thought might just put me into the grave.

“When you have someone to protect, it’s not a weakness; it’s a strength. It makes you fight harder. I’ve always disagreed with you on your policy about women and kids,” Lars says slowly. “Imagine your life if you’d never met her. Imagine what it could be like if she stays in it.”

I look towards the doors with the red light still blinking above them, and all I can think about is what her life would look like if we’d never met. She would still be a server at the Blue Whiskey, making great tips and going out on the weekends with that pain-in-the-ass roommate of hers.

“On one of the most important nights of her life, Megan nearly died tonight because of the choices I’ve made.”

“She also could’ve died in her childhood home with those wretched people she lived with,” Lars interrupts me. “She also could have died walking to work one night or choking on one of those damn wings at the club. Death is inevitable for all of us. However, it shouldn’t stop us from living our lives.”

I jut my legs out in front of me, lean back, and close my eyes. I don’t want to hear any of this sage wisdom any longer. I want fucking silence.

“The only reason I’m saying all of this to you right now is because I don’t want you to push her away when she recovers.”

Lars is usually never this talkative, and I look away guiltily at his words as he continues his rant, “That girl has not had anyone really give a shit about her in her life. If you push her away to protect her, it’ll break her heart. When she wanted to leave, you wouldn’t let her, so when she wants to stay, don’t you dare force her out. You’ve given her a life, people she cares about. If you force her out, you’re leaving her with nothing again. You’d be no better than her parents.”

“Careful, Lars,” I say icily. “Remember your place. Even I have my limits.”

“Fine, just think real carefully about I said while she’s in there fighting for her life. I saw the look on your face when she was shot and when we drove her here. You love her even if you don’t want to admit it.”

“I have admitted it! She knows how I feel.”

“Saying the words casually or in a moment of passion is quite different than backing the words up with action.” After those final words, Lars gets up and walks away to probably cool off. I realize that while he cares about me, he also has grown to care for Megan and doesn’t want to see either of us hurt or hurt each other. He made his point though tonight and his words linger in my ears.

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