Page 40 of Nothing to Fear

Maybe not exactly how she’d have put it but thank God he had.

“I’m sorry. That’s wildly inappropriate.”

He laughed, startling her, though delight soon took its place. “It might be, but you’re safe, I promise you.”

“I’m safe? What about you?”

“As we’ve just established, you don’t know my real name or even exactly what my voice sounds like. Besides, I take kind words from women as compliments, not threats.”

“Guess that’s the luxury of being a man.”

“You must get your share of compliments.” He cleared his throat. “Sorry, that was sleazy.”

“It’s okay.”

“I’ll work on the delivery. The question, it’s not judgment… Does the attention of men upset you?”

“It doesn’t upset me but… I have hang-ups about it. My ex, Jeremy, he didn’t like it when other men noticed me.”

“A lot of people experience jealousy. You were never jealous of him?”

“Oh, my jealousy came in how easily he slipped into any conversation. How simple it was for him to connect with people. I’m not one of those people.”

“Social people?”

“People who can—God, think about our conversation, I’m always saying something wrong, something stupid. Then out inthe world, I trip over my own feet and… For some people, it’s effortless. They’re not intimidated by a room or aware of every syllable. I guess I can’t claim to be either because I’m always…”

“You’re hard on yourself. We get along, don’t we?”

“I don’t have to look you in the eye. I don’t have to wonder what your real motive is. This relationship has set parameters.” That she’d already violated by talking about his breath on her skin. “I don’t mean to do it, say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing.”

“We all have hang-ups,” he said. “And are our own harshest critics. You need to give yourself credit where it’s due. No screw up of yours led to you being held hostage, did it?”

“We fell behind, as a department. My boss was getting divorced, and we’d missed a couple of weeks.” Or maybe a couple of months. “We were taking it in turns to work the extra hours to clear the backlog…”

“If it had been another night, it might have been someone else.”

Is that what he’d heard? She’d be lying if she said that thought never occurred to her.

“I was the best one,” she said, “for it to happen too. My boss was going through enough, I wouldn’t wish any harm on our youngest colleague. And Yvette, she’s my friend. She has a husband and a home. He works away a lot, but her life is what many people strive their whole lives for.”

“So you think you’re expendable?”

“I think I… matter less than my colleagues, in general. I don’t have Nessa’s rosy optimism, her get it while the going’s good attitude. And it’s not like I’ve never posed in my underwear before.” Silence. Ten seconds. Twenty. “Jacob?”

He coughed. “Yeah, uh…” More quiet. “Sorry, I…”

“See, I shouldn’t talk about this—”

“You should. That’s what he wanted? To see you like that?”

“It’s the product I work with. I used to do parties for women, like Tupperware parties, just a little more risqué. And it’s a premium clientele, you understand, it wasn’t like…” Was she explaining or apologizing? “I haven’t done it since before… him. I’ll do it again, sometime, it’ll be different with women, it’ll be fine. Truth be told, I need the money. I need to get over this so I can start earning again like I used to before—”

“Your employer will understand. If you explain—”

“No one’s pressuring me. No one expects me to… it gives me more time for the charity stuff. Though the longer I go without the overtime, the moreIbecome charity.”

“You’re strapped for cash?”

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