Page 41 of Nothing to Fear

“Everyone I know is, it’s just life, especially these days. Unfortunately, the bills don’t care about trauma, they still come due.”

“You could speak to your employer, ask them to—”

“I just want to forget it ever happened.” Closing her eyes, she rolled onto her back. “I want to go back before the hostage thing, before Jeremy, I want a do-over, that’s not too much to ask, is it?”

“Everyone deserves a second chance. And if it was within my power to give it, I would.”

“The things you must hear…” And all she did was whine. “The real, true, devastating things people must endure…”

“You were violated, in a space meant to be safe. Someone forced their will onto you. Did you want to model for him?”

“No,” she said, her voice small.

“You have to acknowledge it, give yourself permission to feel what he made you feel.”

How was that? “I don’t know what he made me feel.”

He exhaled, almost seeming to calm himself. “When do you think of him? When is it worst?”

“I don’t go into the back storeroom anymore.” Which the others had accepted without addressing it. The why was obvious. “And at night, when I’m alone.” Which was part of the reason she called him. “I feel ridiculous. I’m a grown woman and I’ve slept with men, been naked in front of them. Why is this guy different?”

“Choice. Did he threaten you?”

“Yes.” The ache in her throat almost reminded her of that first moment. When he asked her to… “He didn’t have to, I was cornered, the threat was implied but… he had a weapon.”

“You deserve justice. You deserve to be heard.”

“Thank you,” she said, her body heavy.

“For?”

“Picking up. And don’t tell me I didn’t wake you because I know I did. You didn’t have to answer, and you did. You make me feel better. I can’t explain it. Before when I was scared, I’d turn on all the lights and watch infomercials until I fell asleep.”

“You know there are streaming services now.”

She laughed. “That requires thought and concentration. I just needed the noise, the illusion that I wasn’t alone.”

“You’re not alone,” he said. “You have me now. And I will always pick up, sleep or not.”

“That a promise you make to all your clients?”

“No.” The honesty felt profound. “With you, I… I’m getting something out of the deal.”

Saying that was probably against the rules. Were calls recorded? Maybe if his supervisor heard… so she shouldn’t ask…

“What do you get out of the deal?”

“You’re special, Anna,” he said and laughed himself. “And that was another sleaze, sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You tell me I have value, that I’m allowed to feel what I feel. So are you. Just… don’t show up atmy apartment and ask me to model for you.” Okay, crappy joke, it fell flat. “Sorry, I should let you get back to sleep and—”

“Don’t hang up. You don’t want to be alone? You don’t have to be. Lay down, leave the line open.”

Like she had the first night when she fell asleep by accident.

“Am I that pathetic?”

“No. Anything that makes you feel better, makes you feel more secure, it’s important. You’re important, Anna. Just close your eyes and exist with me for a bit.”

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