Page 5 of Nothing to Fear

“What happened to make you doubt something you’ve believed in your whole life?”

“I still believe, what I doubt is the end goal. Maybe the goal isn’t happiness. I believed the signs would steer me to contentment, as a reward, I guess. I still believe in fate, butmaybe not the balance of the universe. Good doesn’t necessarily follow bad. Not everyone dies happy.”

“You’re a pessimist?”

“Not until tonight.”

“What happened tonight?”

“My ex called,” she said.

“To upset you?”

“To hook up.” Her eyes closed. “He was drinking, sometimes he calls when…”

“He wants to get laid.”

“Right,” she said on a grateful snicker.

“You can say anything here, believe me, I’ve heard it all. Sex, violence, even chick flicks with Kevin Costner.” Huh, that was oddly specific. “Nothing is out of bounds. What do you usually do when your ex calls?”

“Tell him where to stick it.”

“You didn’t tonight?” Concern crept into his astute tone. “Did he hurt you? Force himself on—”

“No, God, it wasn’t him, it was me.”

“You?”

“For a minute, a few seconds maybe… I was tempted.”

“If things haven’t been going great for you, it’s natural to want what feels good.”

“Sex with Jeremy doesn’t leave women feeling good.” A harsh truth. “Not me anyway. And being with me didn’t leave him feeling good either. All that baggage, all that history… I swore I’d never go back. How far have I sunk that for a minute I was willing to forget our past? I’d have let him have sex with me just so I didn’t have to fall asleep alone. God, I’m a mess.”

“Are you afraid at night?”

“Bad things happen at night, don’t they? In the dark, when we’re vulnerable.”

“And Jeremy would’ve made you feel safe?”

“I never felt safe with Jeremy, he’s… charismatic, personable, he can get along with literally anyone. Women are accessories to his brilliance.”

“And you had a relationship with him? For how long?”

“Too long.”

“But you didn’t invite him over,” he said. “You said no.”

“I said no.”

“And then you called me.”

“A couple of hours later, yeah. I can’t figure me out—God, I’m sorry. Isn’t very traumatic, is it? Maybe I should’ve pressed the number for Whiners Anonymous.”

He laughed and a ball of satisfaction built in her chest. Like there was less space for the air she sucked down, oxygen caught in her throat. What a sound. Something about him was genuine, his reasons for doing what he did were entirely his, but she couldn’t deny her curiosity.

“Was that your trauma? Jeremy’s call?”

---