Page 136 of Fake Out Hearts

Chapter 44

Becca

Time passes in a haze. Has it been a few days or a week? I’ve lost track, and I don’t particularly care. All I know is that I’m trapped in this cycle while I wait for Theo to sign the divorce papers. I can’t go back to Canada until then, so I lie around Reese and Callie’s place like a house cat, sleepy and disinterested in everything.

But how can I care about anything after this? My entire life has blown up twice in just the last few months. I thought I found forever with Theo. We might have started out by faking it, but until yesterday, neither of us could’ve denied we had something real. We could’ve found some way to make it work—if I hadn’t screwed everything up.

I can’t stop thinking about the broken look on his face when I walked away from him. I know I dashed his dreams for a life together, for a family. I would give anything to go back and tell him I couldn’t have kids sooner. It might not have changed the outcome, but it would have spared us both this awful situation.

And it would’ve meant I wouldn’t break his heart the way I did.

A soft knock on the spare bedroom door jars me out of my downward spiral. “Becca, are you hungry? I brought some lunch.”

It’s Callie, taking care of me like she has since I got here. Truthfully, I don’t have any appetite at all, but I don’t want to end up in the hospital again, so I force myself off the bed in the empty, spartan room and open the door.

Callie smiles cautiously at me, although I can see in her eyes that she’s worried. I must look like hell. I don’t think I’ve showered in the last two days.

“Glad to see you up and about,” she says and extends a plate toward me. A grilled cheese sandwich, cut diagonally, rests on it. The sight is a knife in my side because it instantly reminds me of Theo cooking for me when I got home from the hospital after my fall. “I heard that this is one of your favorites when you aren’t feeling well.”

She doesn’t say his name, but I know she must have talked to Theo. He’s called me more times than I can count. And it’s just like him to care enough to tell Callie my favorite foods, even after I ruined everything. But the appetite I already didn’t have retreats farther at the thought. I didn’t deserve his generosity then, and I damn sure don’t deserve it now.

I take the plate from her anyway and bite off a piece of the sandwich to choke it down and placate her, then carry the plate back to the bed and sit on the foot of it. Callie follows me inside and stands watching me, like she’s afraid I’m on a hunger strike or something and will throw the food out the window if she doesn’t watch me eat it.

“Can we talk?” she asks gingerly as I take another halfhearted bite of the sandwich. I’m not hungry, but I know I need to eat.

“What is there to talk about?” I say through a mouthful, and she fixes me with a disapproving look.

“I’m worried about you. Like really, truly worried.” She sits down on the bed next to me and puts her hand on my knee. “And I say that as a concerned friend.”

“There’s nothing to say. My heart is in pieces, and I don’t have anyone to blame but myself.”

I drop the sandwich on the plate, the small amount of appetite I managed to muster up evaporating as my throat goes tight.

But Callie shakes her head, squeezing my knee affectionately. “No, no, no. We’re not playing the blame game today, girl. You’re entitled to your heartbreak about what happened, and I’m not here to tell you otherwise, but I’m also not going to let you sit here and beat yourself to a pulp.”

“If it’s not my fault, then whose is it? I’m the one who lied to Theo.”

“I’m not saying it was right to do, but I get it. I really do. I mean, hell, you’d just gotten brutally dumped and abandoned by a guy who repeatedly told you that you weren’t worth a damn because you couldn’t have kids. Then you fell in love with someone who meant the world to you, and you didn’t want to lose him for the same reason.”

I lose it at her words because she’s one thousand percent right. I set the plate on the bedside table, the only other piece of furniture in the room, then collapse into her arms. Callie hugs me tight and rubs my back while I cry.

“I miss him so much,” I breathe. “I hate that I let this happen. That I let myself fall in love with him under such bullshit pretenses.”

Callie thrusts me away from her to look me in the eye, staring fiercely at me. “No, don’t say that. It wasn’t bullshit. You really love him. We all know you do.”

“Then why did I keep this from him? Why did I break his heart with it?”

“Because you love him, and you were scared to lose him.”

“Then what the hell do I do now?” I whisper and melt into her again. She resumes rubbing my back as I blink away the tears blurring my vision.

“I don’t know. Maybe you should try talking to him,” she offers gently.

“He doesn’t want to hear from me.”

“Really? Then why does he keep blowing up your phone?” I laugh at that because she’s right. Theo’s been calling several times a day since I got to Reese and Callie’s place, but I’ve ignored them all.

Right on cue, my phone starts vibrating on the nightstand, so I free myself from Callie’s arms and reach for it, fully expecting to see Theo’s name on the screen. But it’s not him—it’s my mom. I don’t know if I have the heart to talk to her right now, but I haven’t heard from her in weeks so decide I should probably take the call anyway.

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