Page 94 of Fake Out Hearts

I can’t fight the tears that flood my eyes, and the despair in the pit of my stomach churns into rage.

How could Shawn do this to me?

Then again, I know his true colors well enough by now that I shouldn’t be surprised. This is who he is, who he’s always been. I just refused to see it.

The show cuts back to Shawn, and the fake tears are gone, replaced by a look of somber disappointment. He leans closer to the camera as it zooms in on his face.

“She led me on, led me to believe she was someone she wasn’t,” he says seriously. “And she was very good at fooling me, at fooling all of you. Becca was just as much a part of this show as I am, a part that many of you loved just like I did. So I’m sorry to have to tell you all of this, but I had to let her go. I can’t have a druggie like that in my life.”

Again, the shot fades back into the grainy footage of the house party. I blink away the tears that blur my vision, my chest aching as my lungs refuse to function.

It’s Shawn’s fault that I ended up on drugs that night. It started because—surprise, surprise—he was being an asshole after losing a game.

He insisted on taking me out to a party with him to drink away his frustration. I would’ve rather gone home, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I followed him and a gaggle of puck bunnies he’d met back to a random house party. That should’ve been the first red flag, but I gave in, just like I always did with him.

Of course, none of that backstory is included in the episode.

What the footage shows instead is me walking into what looks like the basement of a luxurious house where at least a dozen people are already hanging out. As I stare at it, it strikesme that I don’t know how in the world his producers even managed to record this.

Was it all a setup from the start? Did they pay these puck bunnies to approach Shawn after the game, hoping to create some fake drama for the cameras that they planted in the house ahead of time? It sounds crazy, but it’s exactly the kind of thing they’d do—and the kind of thing Shawn would be on board with.

I remember the beginning of the night very clearly. I had work the next day, so I only planned to have a drink or two to appease Shawn, then leave.

Except someone slipped something in my drink. I’m sure of it, although when I told Shawn later, he gaslit me, insisting that no one would’ve done that and that I must’ve gotten tipsy enough to loosen up and willingly accept whatever drug I was given.

The recording shifts to another shot, still in the basement, and in this clip, I look like I’m barely able to sit upright or keep my eyes focused on anything. My throat goes tight, because I don’t remember this part of the night at all. And the worst part is, Shawn is nowhere to be seen. He didn’t even realize I’d gotten high until I woke up the next day and freaked out, because he was too busy partying to notice or care.

The show cuts back to Shawn in his living room, staring seriously into the camera.

“This is where it all started to go downhill. When Becca changed,” he says, then sighs and looks away from the camera. “I should’ve stopped her. I wish I had. Maybe then all of this could’ve been prevented. Maybe if she hadn’t gotten hooked, she wouldn’t have cheated on me.”

What the fuck?

I jump off the couch in shock and storm upstairs, my stomach in turmoil.

I can’t stand to see another second of the episode or Shawn’s lies, and I’m worried I’m going to get sick in front of the entire team, so I dart into Theo’s bathroom and kick the door closed behind me before I collapse in front of the toilet. My skin is prickling and burning like I’ve caught fire, and I want nothing more than to rake my way out of it, but I’m stuck.

I have to live with this. The Aces, my family, Theo’s parents, theentire worldis now going to think I’m a drug-addicted cheater. And I can’t escape it.

My mind jumps to my marriage to Theo and how it’s almost certainly going to fall apart now. No government official in their right mind would look at that footage and not scrutinize the person involved who’s now seeking citizenship.

I’m fucked. Well and truly fucked. And it’s all because of Shawn.

Bile gathers in the back of my throat, and I can’t hold it back anymore. I let it out, then move to the sink to wash my face and steal several swigs of Theo’s mouthwash. It makes me feel a little better, but my stomach is still at war with itself.

A soft knock on the bathroom door startles me, but I’m sure it’s Theo, so I spit out the rinse and wipe my face on the towel hanging by the sink before I let him in. I’m half expecting him to tell me to pack my things and get out right now, but the look of worry on his face catches me off guard.

“I told the guys to go home. Are you okay?” he asks, looking me up and down.

I want to laugh because I couldn’t be further from okay, but I appreciate his concern and gentleness right now, so I hold it back.

“I swear, it’s not what it looked like on tape. Shawn dragged me to a party and someone slipped something into my drink. It only happened once, not all the time like he tried to portray it. And it wasn’t even something I wanted! And I swear to god,as much as he pissed me off sometimes, I wouldneverhave cheated on—”

Theo steps closer, breaking off my spiral. “It’s okay. I believe you.”

Tears sting the corners of my eyes. “Y-you do?”

“Are you serious? Of course I believe you, princess. Because I know you, therealyou. And what was in that footage wasn’t that. People are obviously only getting part of the story, and I’m sure it’s edited to hell and back to make you look as bad as possible.”

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