Page 101 of Citrine

"That is why we need to go back. They're not anywhere around the island."

"If they have thetechnologyforbackpacks, what makes you think they don't have thetechnologyfordiving suitsorsimpleharpoonsor flying? Think, Wroahk."

"I do not want to think! I have never had so many thoughts in my life, and it only started because I met you. What good has thinking done for you and me? We can just hide under the water for as long as we need."

"That is not sustainable. I don't know why you have such a strong aversion to change, but you have to get over it. I've already changed more than I would have ever chosen. I need you to do some of it for me. There's nothing left to risk than the one thing I have left, my life. I am prepared to risk it to understand what is happening to me and how to get out of here."

Why? Why does her gaze focus only on what is above and not what is below? All my life, I've only ever focused on what is below. Why does this yellow woman want what is above us? Why is she always talking about leaving me?

"… we… we can come back tomorrow," I tell her, my heart constricting.

It hurts something inside of me to see her expression change to happiness. This pain does not come from a physical injury, but it is all-encompassing. I do not understand it, much like I do not understand her.

All I know is it's from her. She might look more like me now, but she is nothing like me inside.

I take her back through the more shallow water on the one side of the island, avoiding catching the attention of the Many Teeth. We make it back to the cave and she settles in the corner, silent. I leave her there and go hunting, wishing to clear my mind of such heavy thoughts.

I have never felt the need to do such a thing, but that is before I met someone so… impossible.

The water is calm and silent, unlike my thoughts. The fish have come out of their hiding spot, all swimming around the alcoves. I return to the cave after finding an appropriate catch and a part of me thinks I won't find her in the cave. However, when I come back, she's where I left her.

She has a stone in her grasper, and she's dragging it across the wall of the cave. I place my kill in the back of the cave so it doesn't float away and swim up to her, curious. She notices my presence and turns around to briefly acknowledge me before continuing.

"Why are you destroying the cave? Is this how you express your dissatisfaction?"

"No," she replies, like my question is stupid and places down the stone. "I've goneprehistoric."

"… what?"

"When my species was still developing, they used to convey their history and their stories through carving on the wall. I can't send atextor draw a bigSOSsign in the cove, those trees are blocking everything. I'm just practicing for the rocks out there."

I decide I don't need to know.

"Eat," I tell her

She turns to check where I usually keep what I bring back. "I'm not hungry. You can have my share."

I study what she's carving, but cannot understand anything and I don't know why I even tried.

She explains, regardless of my lack of interest. "I'mwritingin my language. If anyone who knows my language sees it, they'll be able to know where I am. This is my first step to freedom."

My tentacles clench with my desire to pull the rocks apart.

43

Eli

It's dark.

I'm stumbling and can't see or feel anything. I'm just wandering aimlessly, unable to find my way and don't understand what to do. Somebody, please…

I can hear a sound. It's a low growl. It's coming after me, I know it. I'm always hearing it. It's hunting me. I don't want to get devoured.

It has endless rows of large teeth. I'll be gone in a bite. Someone, please just let me go. Just let me… arrghhh!

***

My eyes fly open, and I regret doing it immediately as the water rushes in. I curse immediately as I try to get the water out of my eyes. I don't know why I keep agreeing to sleep underwater, butI'm regretting it already. Some parts of my body have changed, but the others are still as human as they come.

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