Page 107 of Citrine

I rejected the idea of using it before. Why?

I would be acknowledging her.

I would be acknowledging these feelings and would be acknowledging her as equal to me. It was an impossible ask at the time because I knew just how weak she was. She is still weak, and I still have to protect her.

Except she needs more from me than that if I want to keep her from seeking her freedom and that means acknowledging her.

"E…Eli…" I murmur, trying to get the sound out of my throat.

I don't even know what it means, and I don't know if I'm pronouncing it correctly. However, I know its significance.

"Eli," I try again, trying to imprint it on my tongue.

She stirs unexpectedly, like she hears me calling her, and I let out a breath when she doesn't wake up. I don't know if I can call her by her name just yet. It still feels like my tongue can't quite manage the shape of it.

The sound of her name, her quiet breaths, and the subtle air bubbles that follow her every exhale, the tiny jerks of her limbs and the warmth of her body keep me up as I watch her.

She wakes up and wiggles out of my hold, staring intently at me. She likes looking at my face, like she's reading for information.

Sometimes, it's unnerving how accurate she can be.

"How long have you been staring at me? Nevermind, can we go look for others now?"

I suddenly feel exhausted.

"Eat first."

I push my body to hunt for her, gathering as many of the bottom feeders as I can before barely stopping myself before pushing them down her throat. She only struggles when she's feeding, but she doesn't do much after that. I know she longs for thesurface, but she cannot go there. There is no place for her there anymore.

I feel even more exhausted. I have gone many days without sleeping on a hunt before, so I know my exhaustion is not physical. It is because of all the thinking I'm doing? But even that isn't quite right.

I've been thinking hard since the moment I met her. It doesn't explain this heaviness in my limbs. This lethargy.

My mind shifts back to figuring out ways to delay her, then remember she was making something on the shore. I take her back to it, relieved when it works and she goes back to whatever odd thing she is making.

48

Eli

I can feel him staring at me like I've grown two heads again. In his defense, I have grown tentacles, fins, and gills, so it might not be impossible. It's much harder to stay on land these days, but I am training myself not to forget the essence of being human.

When I reach my hands forward, I notice the new webbing between them and it feels like I just cursed myself.

Dammit.

I take a deep breath, and just let it go. At least I'll swim better now.

"That is long enough. Come back inside the water, Eli."

I jump when he says my name, then whirl back around, searching his face to see what earth-shattering thing must have changed. He's never said it. I figured he never would.

Only his torso is above water and he's wearing the same annoyed expression as always. He floats closer to the surface, his tentacles rising slightly above the water when he moves. I move closer to the water, sitting by the shore and dipping my leg in.

He's saying my name.

He has changed, that much I can tell. That initial coldness and penchant for murder has all but disappeared. Well, it's still there. He's very ruthless against those who try to intrude on his territory. I assume the sinking stacks of Many Teeth is piling up at the bottom of the lake.

I move into the water, trying to puzzle out what has shifted in him.

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