Page 43 of Diamond

I pretend not to see the patterns on his cheeks or feel the warmth in mine as I ask him if there are any other defining features besides colorful hair.

I think about how many there are—maybe seven, like the colors of the rainbow?

The rainbow idea makes little sense as my hair is white. Unless I am the cloud?

What would psychopathic aliens like the genali know about the rainbows of Earth? Does light refract the same here? I keep forgetting how different everything is now and my mind keeps going on ridiculous spirals.

I need to fix that.

"They are supposed to be in silver containers called cryogenic chambers," he stumbles over the English words, then continues, "and if we find any that are still inside, we will need to keep them there."

I nod in understanding. He must mean like the one I woke up in. I still remember how cramped I felt in mine, and it makes my throat close up a little when I think of other women in them.

Why leave them in? And why were we in them to begin with?

Another quick flash of anger at the genali blends into the background din of annoyance. Mixed in with this nagging feeling that maybe Ree can't be trusted if she plans to start a cloister.

My heart aches for allies and to have other female women around me, but I trusted Bibi and she sold me. Women can be just as prone to oppress other women, after all. Often, they are the instruments of continuing it, actually. Too worried about keeping things the same and pleasing those around them and more than willing to betray women who don't agree.

Kuret reaching for me breaks me out of another loop of anxiety. He gingerly helps me down from Roshan's back. His hands splay on either side of my stomach and my heart pounds, and I'm not sure it's just relief I feel when he lets me go. Then he goes to steer the cart closer to the cave.

The surge in my arousal leads to an equal surge in my already peaked irritation. Tehlmar was handsome too, and look where that led.

As much as I try to reason with myself, the arousal just keeps surging. Even worse than with Tehlmar, but he was horrible, so I was fighting it.

Wait, so is Kuret, I remind myself.

He immediately starts attaching the reins to the vehicle, leaving me standing there feeling useless. I try to ignore how much better he treats Roshan, but I can't help but notice.

I let out a long breath and pinch the bridge of my nose. I never thought I would wish for the confines of my brother's house, but I also never imagined… this.

The events of the last time I was there replay in my mind and my hands start to shake. Shutting my eyes, I take a deep breath and scratch at Roshan's cheeks, distracted when I touch his scars. When you can't even trust your brother…

But I push that aside. So far it sounds like it is just human women. If some women can't be trusted as allies, since they have taken on male ideals, then how do I recognize them on an alien planet? She clearly spoke English, since Kuret has been speaking words of it, and that name suggests maybe she is American.

Every terrible thing I've heard about Americans mixes in with the ridiculous things I have seen on television, then my mind pushes back that it can't all be true. Can it?

The feel of Roshan's scars pull me out of another mental spiral. I quietly gasp in Kuret's alien language when my fingers connect with the pitted holes in his cheeks once more.

Limping over in front of him, I squint and focus on undoing the knot inside the argila's mouth. He stays still for me, occasionally scrubbing my hands with his rough tongue and making me smile. It doesn't take much time to undo it, and I let out a sigh of relief.

So, not completely useless.

"Was that painful for him?" Kuret asks me, and I look at him for a moment.

He's in front of the glow of the fire, blocking it, and it makes him look much darker and his shadows look more imposing, which doesn't match his tone.

Almost like he actually cares. My heart lurches, longing to do what I know it shouldn't. Trust.

When will it learn? But do I really have a choice? And could I live such a bleak existence, anyway? Surely there is someone who won't betray me. Will I recognize them? Can I even trust… myself?

What a terrible thought. It sits like a stone in my chest, making each breath hurt. As usual, there are no answers.

My shoulders lift in a shrug. "I don't know if it is right now, but I know it was the worst pain he experienced when they did and that is enough to make it cruel."

Roshan pushes his face into mine. I adjust my weight to my good leg and scratch the place behind his ears.

Kuret is silent and staring at me again, clearly processing the weight of my words.

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