Page 53 of Hoarded By the Dragon

“It’s been a few years now. The jobs I take from paying clients allows me to take on more pro-bono projects… I don’t know how else to make amends without turning myself into the Council.”

Kalos tightens his grip on my thigh.

“Oh, don’t worry,” I say, my voice cracking with humor. “I have no will to serve myself up to their dubious justice.”

“When does it stop, Rina?”

I blink in surprise. “When I don’t feel guilty anymore?”

His sigh rumbles out. “That isn’t how guilt or shame works. There will never be a moment where you’ve done enough to wash the memory of that woman from your mind. It will always hurt.”

My lower lip trembles. I don’t want what he’s saying to be true. I want there to be a day when I’m free of this malignant sensation in my chest.

“And you can’t keep doing this to yourself,” he says gently. “The universe doesn't care about your stealing.”

“What?”

“Making amends is one thing, but you think that by doing the work of restoring others’ treasures that it will make a difference, that it will make you feel better, but if that were the case, it would have already happened.” The warmth of his hand on my back sinks into my chest as if to cradle my heart. “You’ve weighed yourself down with these sorrows. If you let it, you’ll drown under them.”

I swallow. Once upon a time, I would have accepted that as justice, but I don’t want to drown. I want to be happy and loved.

Kalos’s face softens. “Do you think that I’ve never caused pain, death, or heartbreak that I’ve regretted? Part of being long-lived is accepting the guilt for the things you’ve done but not letting it smother you. It’s honorable to try and make amends for what you’ve done, but there’s a line between that and sacrificing your potential because of your guilt.”

Kalos’s talon brushes my cheek as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “You have more value to give the world than your atonement.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I told you the universe doesn’t care about the wrongs you’ve done, and I believe that. But if what you care about is the good you can do, think of how much more you could do if you focused on what you’re passionate about instead of this work.”

I snort. “You want me to just stop the business I’ve built and what? Freeload off you?”

He shrugs. “You can train a replacement if you want to keep it, but I’ll happily provide for you for the rest of your life. I’d planned on that anyway.”

I blink in surprise at that. Kalos continues, “We both know what you truly enjoy. How often in the years you’ve spent restoring have you let yourself invest time in your artwork?”

Almost never. I’ve done more sketching during the time I’ve stayed in this house than I have in years. Being transposed from my life forced me out of the habit of working day and night. With how much I’ve focused on making amends, sacrificing what I enjoy seemed to be the right thing to do.

“Art is precious. Creation is humanity’s best asset. It can touch thousands of souls and make life worth living,” Kalos says.

The rejection in me is instant. “Not my art.”

“Why not your art?”

Because I don’t deserve that.

Something in my face must show my thoughts. It’s as if I’m defenseless in front of him.

“Rina—” His voice is too soft, and the rejection of what he offers rears its head.

“You shouldn’t be the one lecturing me about letting go of damaging emotions,” I interrupt him and regret it as soon as the words leave my lips, but it doesn’t make it less true.

Kalos’s eyes flash in surprised pain, but he nods in agreement. “Touché, little queen. Touché.”

My throat swells at that. It’s the first time he’s called me that name since we first met, and as much as I craved to hear it again. I didn’t want it to be like this.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“Don’t be.” Kalos shakes his head as he pulls away. “I pressed against your wounds, it’s only fair for you to do the same to me.”

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