Page 86 of The Breakaway

“No. It’s perfect.”

Rob started again, his fingers gliding easily over my skin with the lubrication of the balm. Lubrication. I should not be thinking about words like that.

I never thought about words like that.

When Logan was here, sure, there were times I got turned on, but they were few and far between unless he was actually, you know. There.

I thought about my conversation with Maddie. About having good sex. This had to be something connected to that because what I was feeling—the way my body was igniting from the inside out—that had never happened to me before. Not like this.

The balm started to cool on my skin, and my brain short-circuited. Heat. Pressure. Cold. Damn it, his hands spanned my entire lower back. His fingers wrapped over my hip bones, pressing into the soft parts of my waist.

I bit my lip to keep from moaning.

I shouldn't be enjoying this. I shouldn’t be tensing my lower half to keep from rolling my hips into the carpet.

Rob's thumbs dug into the muscles on either side of my tailbone, and I had to clench my fists to keep from arching into his touch. This was supposed to be functional. It wasn't supposed to feelthis good. My heart pounded in my chest, and I struggled to keep my breathing steady.

Rob's hands moved up the sides of my spine, and my skin prickled. Guilt gnawed at my insides. I shouldn't want anyone's hands on me but Logan's. I shouldn't be lying there, fantasizing about anything other than relief from my sore muscles.

But I was fantasizing. Rob was naked in my shower. Using the toiletries that sat next to mine. His wet hair falling over his forehead as he looked up and grinned, nodding for me to join him.

When his fingers grazed the bottom of my bra strap, I pushed up from the carpet and quickly pulled down my shirt. Because I was a good person. A loyal person. And I didn't cheat. Not on my schoolwork, not on my friends, and definitely not on my boyfriend.

I scooted forward and sat in front of him, folding my arms so tightly across my chest, I could barely breathe. “Thanks. I think that’s good.”

Rob sat back on his heels, still holding the tin, his expression unreadable. "Anytime."

I stood, my legs wobbly. "I'm going to get ready for bed."

Rob nodded, his eyes flicking to the rug where I’d been moments before, then back up to me. "Goodnight."

I hurried to my room, my heart pounding. I closed the door and leaned against it, my mind a whirlwind of emotions. I shouldn't have felt that. I shouldn't have wanted that.

I slipped my hands under my shirt, pressing my palms flat against my stomach.

I was officially a terrible person.

I tried to calm my breathing, but when I heard Rob’s door click shut, I hurried back into the kitchen for a glass of water.

There was no way I was going to be able to fall asleep. Not without . . . something. I needed to move. I needed to think. I needed to go to confession or talk to Crystal and Maddie, or?—

I froze, my eyes landing on the white card on the counter. I set my glass down, careful not to make it clink.

I pulled the letter off the counter, inspecting my name in Rob’s handwriting.

I set it down.

Picked it up again.

I sat on a stool, then stood and paced to the window.

New Year’s.

But would he even know?He hadn’t touched it since he’d set it down. If I opened it carefully . . .

I tiptoed back to the counter and snatched the card, then hurried back to my room, closing the door without a sound.

Chapter

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