Page 69 of Losing his Daddy

Was it wrong to use my Dom voice on him? Maybe. Maybe not. I didn’t much care. I needed him to know I was serious.

“I wanted to ask you a question.” I went for a different route instead of pushing him to talk. Either way, this would bring us to the topic of the ranch and his past. “Robin has been itching to see me. We’d talked about skipping over the normal holiday stuff this year, but I really would like to see him. Make sure he’s not working himself too hard or anything.”

He leaned further back, though he was still in my arms. “You can go see him, Sir. It’s fine.”

“It’s not. I want him to meet you as well. This isn’t a trip I’d take alone.”

Gerald didn’t have to say a word for me to see the indecision in his gaze. “This time of year is hard to think about being there. I don’t know if I could go. I’m not sure I’m ready.”

I kissed him in reply. It was soft and slow, my actions meant to show him I would wait. He needed to know that he meant more to me than a trip to see Robin.

At the end of the day, my brother could deal. If I asked, I had no doubt he’d take the time off to come here.

Part of me knew the option existed, but I refused to use it.

Maybe it was because I wanted Gerald to face his past again. Or maybe I knew that we could never truly move to the next step of our relationship, the step that led to forever, if he didn’t close the door to that time in his life. I didn’t mean he had to pretend it never happened. Just that he had to heal the hurt so he could move on.

I wanted forever with Gerald Grimes, but there was a dead man and a ranch full of withering friendships standing between me and that future.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Gerald

The universe hada way of getting my attention. Even when I’d fight it, the damn higher power — whomever it was — would smack me around a bit until I saw reason.

My first sign came when Wes brought up going to see his brother. It had been a simple request one night. There was no guilt laid on me, nor did he try to push me outside of my comfort zone by insisting we go. I should have realized that wouldn’t be the end.

No, not because Wes would do anything to push.

Like I said, the fucking universe was keen on me opening my eyes.

The next sign I got to go back to what was once home came in the form of a laundry mishap. See, I tend to wash my clothes all at once. It’s no big deal and quite frankly, it’s good for the environment. The facts out there about the amount of water it takes to do laundry is mind-boggling.

While the process is normally seamless, one day it wasn’t. And on that particular day, I’d had another hair appointment with Makyn. That meant I needed clean clothes. Underwear being the first.

I searched my drawers high and low for something. I came up empty each time. Moving into the closet, I searched through there. Still nothing.

That’s when I went to my duffle bag. Deep down, I knew there couldn’t have been anything in there. Not after all this time.

Even so, I dug through the pockets in hopes of there being just one stray piece of fabric meant to cover my ass. Commando wasn’t an option with how closely Makyn watched and gossiped. One slip of the tongue about Wes, and I’d be staining my pants with precum.

When my hand closed around something, I yanked it out without thought. Had I taken a minute to realize what pocket I’d reached into, I might not have been as eager.

The white envelope taunted me. I gripped it tightly, too afraid to move lest I fall apart.

My name lay across the front in all too familiar handwriting. I could picture him writing it out a million different times in just as many scenarios. In the kitchen. During a business meeting. After we’d made love, his fingers moving over my back muscles.

The memories slammed into me one after the other. I dropped to my knees, my heart tearing wide open again where I’d thought it had mended. The crack inside me fell to the wayside as all the pain and anger I remembered resurfaced.

“No,” I whispered softly. “No, you can’t have this too. I won’t… I won’t fall apart.”

Slowly, I gathered the strength to stand. I’d refortify the walls of my heart. They’d worked before, and they would work again. I took a deep breath, then shoved the envelope back where I’d pulled it from.

Fuck the underwear. I’d just deal with Makyn and a hard-on. I couldn’t risk finding something else to set me off.

My last sign, and the proverbial nail in the coffin of my patience, hit when I was eating breakfast one day with Sir. We’d been playing around the night before, his commanding voice telling me what to do under the blanket as we laid side by side in the bed. After I’d come, he went to the bathroom, where I heard my name echo off the tiles as he showered. It was basically the hottest fucking night ever.

And then morning came.

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