Page 14 of Custodian

Trent laughed, seemingly finding Bey’s comment inexplicably funny, ‘Oh, I need help alright.’

Beyden quickly sat down, absentmindedly placing the now-wet towel over his lap, ‘What is it?You can tell me anything,’ he promised.

Trent turned to him, watching him closely for a moment before asking, ‘Really?’

‘Of course,’ Beyden replied, concerned Trent even felt the need to ask. Then, before he could say anything else, Trent was leaning forward and capturing his lips with his own. Beyden felt himself go still in shock; his best bud was kissing him! He pulled back, Trent’s lips futilely trying to follow. ‘Trent … huh?’

‘I love you, Beyden,’ Trent revealed, looking into Bey’s eyes. ‘I’minlove with you.’

‘You’re … what? In love with me? Since when?’ Not very articulate, but he was in shock. Trent laughed softly, placing his palms against Bey’s cheeks – lovingly! Bey could hardly process it;

‘Since forever, it feels like,’ Trent admitted. ‘I’ve always liked you – always felt a connection to you. And then, as we got older, my like turned to something more. I became attracted to you.’ Trent licked his lips, eyes roving over Bey’s mostly-naked body, ‘Very attracted to you. There are times when I swear you feel the same. But I’ve been too scared to say anything. Do you? Feel the same, I mean.’

Trent’s hope-filled eyes looked up and Bey felt his stomach knot; he was going to have to hurt his friend. ‘I’m sorry, Trent. I just don’t feel the same way. I love you,’ he was quick to assure his best friend. ‘I just don’t love you like that.’

Tears swam in Trent’s hazel eyes for a moment before being furiously blinked away, ‘Is it because I’m a guy?’

‘Well, kind of. Not that I have a problem with same-sex relationships,’ he said quickly. And it was true. That wasn’t even something he had to think about. He knew homosexuality was strictly taboo in their society. Their laws and regulations stated that only productive relationships would be recognised and accepted. What made a relationship productive? The sharing of vitality and the procreation of more wardens. Those were the only two options. Beyden fervently disagreed.

‘So, it’s just me then.’

Trent’s words were so low, Bey had to strain to hear them. ‘What? No! That isn’t it at all. It’s just … you’re my best friend and I just don’t ...’

‘You just don’t feel the same way. Fuck! This is so embarrassing,’ Trent rubbed furiously at his face and Bey saw the evidence of tears being hastily wiped away.

‘I’m sorry,’ Beyden said. And he was – truly. He had no idea Trent had been feeling this way. Trent just shrugged, pointedly not looking in his direction and he knew he had to act fast to ensure there was no lasting damage between them. Trent had a rather short fuse and tended to hold onto grudges.

‘Hey, look at me please,’ Beyden grabbed Trent’s face and held it securely between his palms. ‘This doesn’t change anything between us, okay? I –’

‘What the fuck is going on in here?!’

With those screamed words, Beyden’s entire life had changed. He rubbed his chest, surprised to feel the ache of hurt there. He thought he was over the whole mess. But then if he was, he supposed he wouldn’t be waiting behind the Lodge at the obstacle course for a person who had lied about him and ruined his reputation. When Drake had walked in and seen Beyden’s naked form, hands pressed to Trent’s face, he had assumed they were making out. Before Beyden could say anything, Trent had jumped up and told the older paladin that Beyden had come onto him. And not just come onto him, but had been pressuring Trent – forcing himself on his best friend. Beyden had been too shocked to defend himself immediately and that had also helped seal his fate. More paladins had walked in, drawn by the angry, raised voices and Beyden had known true fear for the very first time. One of the other paladins had yelled;

‘You think it’s okay to come onto someone who isn’t interested in you? And a dude on top of that? You sick fuck!’

And that was when they had attacked like a rabid pack. Beyden’s pleas and fumbled attempts to explain himself had been smothered by fists and boots. And throughout it all, his best friend had stood back watching, looking pale and devastated but not lifting a finger to help or take back his damning lies. Beyden had been expelled from the warden community after that and had never seen or heard from Trent again.

He had been so angry and frustrated – not emotions he knew how to deal with well. His happy upbringing and drama-free life up to that point had meant he was unfamiliar with such emotions. It also meant he was ill-equipped to cope and he had found himself adrift in a world that spun only for those who served a purpose. He’d no longer had any purpose, so what was he to do? Search out more anger. Search out more violence. And try to understand it.

Picking a fight with the meanest, scariest bastard in town had been ridiculously easy, Beyden recalled. At the time Ryker had been a hairbreadth away from murdering anyone who even looked at him sideways. As a result, he had been holding what amounted to cage fights at the back of the training centre. Bare-knuckled fighting for anyone who had a problem with him or the people working with him. Or for anyone who needed a good brawl as an outlet. After watching Ryker KO some random paladin, Beyden had stepped up. He hadn’t been expecting to feel so exposed under those deep, brown eyes, but that is exactly what happened. Like he was being weighed and measured – and found wanting. You’d have thought that would have pissed him off more, but when he stepped into the makeshift ring – nothing more than a circle of surly, mean paladins – he’d found himself suddenly reluctant to participate.

So, instead of actually fighting Ryker, Beyden had only defended himself – blocking punches and dodging kicks. He’d found himself even more annoyed with himself; even when faced with raw violence and rage, he couldn’t understand it – couldn’t embrace it. His moment of introspection cost him a sucker punch to his jaw and he’d been eating dirt in the next heartbeat. He’d been expecting swift follow-up considering the man had him on the ground and Beyden knew he wasn’t worried about a fair fight. But it hadn’t happened.

Beyden smiled as he remembered the few succinct sentences that had changed the course of his life. Spitting out a mouthful of blood, he had flinched when Ryker squatted down in front of him. Grief-hardened eyes had traced over Beyden’s features for a moment before Ryker spoke;

‘You don’t have the heart for this kind of fighting. But you’re good. Stay here and show the new recruits how good.’

Beyden was shocked at the offer, or rather, the command. ‘Don’t tell me what’s in my heart!’

His yelled response right up in the man’s grill resulted in nothing more than a blink; ‘You want to know why people hate so much; how they feel it, how they show it. So, stick around and find out. Or even better – teach the kids how to avoid it, how to overcome it.’

Even now, eight years later, Beyden felt himself melt a little from the memory. Their strong, gruff, rude Captain sure did have a way with words. After that day, there had also been no more bare-knuckled fights at the rear of the facility. All fighting was to be done under supervision and under the guise of sparring at all times. Weapons were also no longer allowed inside the common areas of the lodge. To this day, Beyden wondered what had prompted Ryker to change things. Surely, he hadn’t made that much of an impression other than getting his arse handed to him.

“You’re wrong.”

The voice inside his head had him coughing, effectively choking on his own spit, and he was beyond glad no-one was there to witness it.

“Other than me, you mean?”came Ryker’s laughing reply, before his voice turned serious again.“I remember, you were so determined to find out why people felt the need to hurt each other, despite your obvious distaste of senseless violence. I figured I’d give you what you came looking for; the feeling of pain, of hurt, of anger. But seeing the ache and confusion in those lion-eyes of yours made me feel something other than rage for the first time in what felt like forever,”Ryker explained.

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