Page 57 of My Best Bet

Her shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath. “And what if this is hurting me, Colt?” Her face pinched. “Seeing you.”

I flinched at her words. I knew the feeling.

“I keep waiting for the shoe to drop and for you to come talk about the past, but I can’t do it,” she said quickly. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry if you need to, but it’s not…It’s not good for me.” Her voice sounded strangled. “So if that’s the only reason you’re having me coach Lucy, I just–”

“It’s not,” I blurted out.

She paused. “Okay.” Her hands were nervously trembling. I had to squelch the urge to reach out and hold them in mine. “I think I can be a good coach for her, I really want to be. But the only way we can do this is if we both agree to move forward and just be the people right in front of each other. If you can’t do that, then–”

“I can do that,” I said quickly, trying to put her at ease.

While I hated the pain in her voice, hearing it clicked something into place for me.

Hans’ words echoed in my head–I think you have some things wrong, son.

The way Mer was acting didn’t match up with the narrative I’d had in my head all these years. There’s no way she discarded me, us, without feeling. It was obvious that she hurt over it too, and knowing that had to be enough for me.

“Moving forward sounds good,” I finally said.

She continued rubbing her knee and nodded. “Thank you. I really want this, Colt. To be a good coach here.”

I nodded. “I’d bet on you.”

She gave me a rueful smile.

I should’ve gotten up and left right then, but I hated the way she was clutching her knee. I still had an overwhelming urge to fix everything for her. “Can I?” I asked, gesturing to her knee.

She blew out a sigh, a pained expression on her face. “You want to?”

I moved closer. The second I reached to touch her knee, she jolted away, like she was afraid of my touch, and it felt like a stab to the chest.

“Sorry, I… reflex.” Her face scrunched like she was about to cry. “You don’t have to–”

“Not gonna hurt you,” I said calmly, my voice thick. I gently took her small knee in my hands and started massaging the way I’d seen team physical therapists handle knees in the training room.

It was the first time I touched her in forever, but it still felt so natural. I knew every inch of her body at one point in time. It bothered me that I didn’t know this part of her, this pain that she seemingly walked around with.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, and I could feel her muscles finally let go and relax.

When she released a breathy little moan, a jolt of lust shot straight to my groin. I grit my teeth. I shouldn’t have been touching her. Not when something as simple as this used to start something physical between us. Not when my body still wanted her beyond all reason. A slew of images flashed in my mind. I felt the rush of an urge to pull her across my lap, wrap my arms around her and make out right there on the bench. I imagined it would feel so natural. So right. I wouldn’t be cock-blocked with guilt because it was her; she was the one, my one. I wanted it so badly. But I had to bring myself back down to this reality.

“Sorry,” she said sheepishly.

“It’s no problem.” I cleared my throat, trying to get a handle on myself. “Can JP take a look?”

“JP?” Her eyebrows pulled together.

“Yeah, he went to school for physical therapy. He wants to do that once he retires from hockey. He’s pretty good at it, just don’t tell him I said that.” It was the truth, and his knowledge came inhandy a lot when we were younger and we had to hide injuries so we wouldn’t get skipped in the lineup and lose our shot.

“Wow, good for him.”

“Yeah, he shaped up, eh?”

“I’d say all three of you did.” She gave a soft smile and I detected a smidge of wistfulness. “It’s nice that you guys are still close.”

“Yeah, I don’t know if ‘nice’ is the right word,” I joked. “The two of them are over my house almost every day. Won't leave me and Lu alone.”

She laughed lightly and it still had the same musical lilt to it. The bittersweetness hit me like a truck.

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