Page 98 of My Best Bet

“I can’t do this. I can’t do this.” I felt like a trapped animal and I just needed space to figure out what the hell just happened. I tugged on my coat and marched to the front door, thankful that everyone was now gathering in the backyard for the cake.

Right as my hand went for the doorknob, he choked out, “Please don’t leave me again.”

Those words felt like a blow to the stomach. I slowly turned to face him. “Leaveyouagain?”

His brown eyes darted over my face, not understanding.

My face threatened to crumple. “Stop acting like I was the bad guy, Colt. Yeah, I got caught up in a bunch of bullshit and I forced your hand, okay?” I hated how weak I sounded. “And I know I screamed some really horrible stuff at you that night. Butyou leftme.”

His jaw clenched. “Yeah, I left for hockey, Mer, because I had to. But I still loved you. I–”

“Then where were you?” The dam broke inside me and my eyes filled with tears, blurring my vision.

“What?” His voice came out as a whisper.

I steeled my spine and forced out the question I’d been wondering for the last decade of my life: “Where. Were. You? When my world completely shattered, where were you, Colt?”

He stared back at me, looking helpless.

We would never see eye to eye over this.

“Thisis why I didn't want to talk about the past.” Hot tears spilled down my cheeks and my throat felt like it was on fire. “It ruins us, Colt. It was stupid to think we could get over all the old hurt.”

It was stupid to think any type of after could still exist for us.

He bit out a curse. “Don’t leave, Mer. Let’s figure this out. Let’s–”

“No.” I held up a hand to ward him off and sniffled up my tears. “This is Lucy’s day. Go back to the party, Colt.”

30.Colt - This Little Thing Called Love

She bolted outside to her car and I had no choice but to let her. I trailed slowly behind, feeling like I was walking through quicksand. When she carefully backed out of the driveway, I basically fell down on the ledge of my planter.

Where. Were. You? When my world completely shattered, where were you, Colt?

Her pained words, the devastation on her face, it played over and over again in my mind. Groaning, I dropped my head into my hands.What the fuck just happened?

I’m not sure how long I sat there when I heard, “This seat taken?”

My neck snapped up to see Hans’ shaky frame, dressed in a nice sweater vest for today, carefully lowering to sit beside me.

“Ya know,” he squinted off into the distance, “about twenty years ago, I lost my wife.”

Surprise rocked into me. Twenty years ago put us at about 12 and 60– meaning, the age when us boys used to torment him at Centre Ice. My eyes slammed shut and regret washed over me. “We were such insensitive little shits. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were ever married.”

“No one ever asked.” He shrugged it off, but my stomach dropped. “It’s alright. I was just an old man to you guys, even back then.”

I shook my head, hating how self-centered I’d been. “I’m sorry.”

“Nah, don’t apologize. You boys have always been the perfect distraction.” He chuckled to himself. “Back then you were always causing trouble, always keeping me on my toes. I was so angryback then.” He blew out a ragged sigh. “I felt like I'd been ripped off, ya know? Me and my wife, Katia,” he gave a watery smile, “we were so happy together. We had our struggles, everyone does. We couldn’t have kids.” I went to apologize again, but he held a hand up. “No, don't feel bad. We made our lives the way we wanted them. We had each other, so we had enough.”

Shame seared into me as I stared down at my hands. Why had I never asked him about his life?

“Katia was my everything. And after she died… ” His face tightened. “I was a mess of self-pity. I regretted it all. I cursed the past. I wished I'd never met her, wished I’d never seen her beautiful smile, wished I'd never held her delicate hand. Because it didn’t feel worth it to be so happy just to have it all torn away from me. I tried so hard for about a year there to banish all our memories from my mind. But then…” he choked out a laugh. “But then… I watched you two. You and Ms. Bennett,” he clarified, a kind smile on his face.

I looked at him in question.

He chuckled. “Nothing slid past me at that rink. I saw how you’d sneak over to the figure skaters’ side and watch her. And you two were so awkward around each other, and it made me chuckle.” He grinned. “But then… You weren’t awkward anymore, were you? And it moved into something deeper. Something real.” He nodded proudly to himself. “You two reminded me that it was worth it. I felt lucky that I got to experience it myself, however fleeting, and then I got to watch it unfold all over again. This very special, very delicate, selfless little thing called love. It was beautiful. And I don't know what really happened between you two. I have my suspicions.” He craned his neck to look back at my house. “And I know I overstepped. I shouldn’t have gotten involved in your guys’ business. But… I’m dying.”

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