Page 54 of Jagger

His laugh was laced with the same bitterness I’d heard before as well. “Let’s just say that when you fail to protect two members of your team, that takes away any chance you’ll ever be considered a hero. Or it should. Forever.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what you went through, but when you join the military and are sent into a combat zone, I’m sure you and your fellow soldiers were told about what you could expect.”

“Yeah, but try telling that to eager young recruits with stars in their eyes about the military.”

Whatever had occurred had made him sour on his Army career. I leaned forward as much as having a sleeping child in my lap would allow. “Jagger. What you did by risking your life to save mine and my little girl’s means the world to me. I won’t ever forget or take it lightly. Just do me a damn favor and take the compliment.”

Snuffling, he lifted his glass as if in a toast. “I know you’re feeling better.”

“How’s that?”

“Your nasty attitude has returned.”

Instead of becoming annoyed like I usually did, I tossed a pillow at him. He ducked and shook his head as I laughed softly. “You are a difficult man.”

“I have my reasons.”

“I’m sure you do. We all have reasons why we’re soured on the world.”

“Yeah? You’re a brilliant surgeon making a ton of money, a beautiful woman with an insanely cute daughter and a full and amazing life ahead of you. My guess is you have an incredible and very supportive family who adores you, your Christmas holidays exactly like this freaking Hallmark card I live in. What reason could you have to hate the world?”

This was just another one of his efforts to push me away. I refused to let it work this time. “You’re wrong. You’re not as good at reading people as you think you are.”

“Oh, yeah, lady? What am I so wrong about?”

“I don’t have the perfect family. As a matter of fact, other than my daughter now, I don’t have a family at all.” The words I’d thought would be so difficult to say were easy around him. Few people know my background as it seemed to taint their view of me. I’d also had my share of those who felt sorry for me, acting as if I was damaged goods and wasn’t capable of finding happiness. I thought I had. Maybe they were right.

“No family? They died?”

“You want to learn the truth?” My pulse was racing.

“Yeah,” he admitted, but it wasn’t to challenge me or attempt to shut himself down. He was genuinely interested. “Tell me.”

“I never had one in the first place,” I said. “My mother dropped me off right after birth into a trash bin outside a hospital. Thankfully a worker found me. It was snowing that day, or so I was told much later in my life. I was underweight, suffering from malnutrition, and close to hyperthermia myself. I was the one who found my birth mother after she died of a damn drug overdose, which means I have no clue who my father is and no one came to claim me. For some reason, I was never adopted, going from foster home to foster home until I was eighteen. I can tell you for certain that for some, our foster care system is fucked up. People want money, not children. I had my share of abusers.”

I sat quietly for a couple of minutes enjoying my wine. However, I realized the intelligent, sexy, and aggravating man had goaded me intelligently into talking about my past. Damn him. I was even certain there was a tiny twinkle in his eyes. After he realized what I’d told him, his entire emotional status changed. He was like a ticking time bomb.

But dear God, I adored him for his reactions.

As I stared at the fire, I could feel the heat of his stare along with the vibration of his anger. “What the fuck?”

“Hey, I turned out okay. From an early age I was determined to have a better life. I studied hard, making straight A’s in school. I worked three odd jobs all throughout high school and what money wasn’t stolen from me I saved for college. Thankfully, I got a full ride, or I never would have made it through medical school without being mired in debt for the rest of my life.”

At least I could laugh about my experience now.

“That’s why family is so important to you.”

I thought about his statement. “Yes, but I also learned the hard way that you can’t pretend and hope someone loves you. It just doesn’t work that way. At least with Cally, I feel something pure and sacred. You know?”

His facial muscles were contorted, his jaw clenched as I’d seen one too many times. “Yeah, I do. I’m sorry about the shit you went through.”

“Don’t be sorry, Jagger. I think we all go through our lives in a way that’s deemed required. Maybe I’m being a little philosophical myself, but I think I’m finally starting to learn what’s most important in life, at least in mine.”

“What’s that?”

The answer hadn’t come to me until now. “Giving yourself grace.”

He sucked in his breath but said nothing, yet I could tell he was thinking about everything he’d been through and the reason for his continued anger and hatred.

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