Page 73 of Jagger

“Because you flailed last night, mumbling in your sleep. I stayed awake to make certain you were okay. Did you know that?”

Fuck. My throat almost closed up.

I shifted around, leaning against the railing. She was sitting in the dark, but I could almost read her mind. “No, I didn’t. I’m sorry. I hope to God I didn’t hurt you.”

“Of course not. I was terrified you were going to hurt yourself.”

“Why would you think that?”

Her sigh was deep and long. “Because the one decent foster family I was in, the husband had been in the military. He came back a different man. His nightmares were controlled at first. But they manifested themselves into violence. Finally, after a horrible incident where he nearly destroyed the house, he killed himself. As you might imagine, I was shipped out of there very quickly.”

“Jesus. You’ve been through hell and back.”

“What I’ve been through is nothing in comparison to what I imagine you have. Yes, I had difficult and very lonely times, but I was lucky in that none of the homes took away my spirit. All ten of them.”

Holy shit. “The nightmares are bad at times, but not always.”

“All because you couldn’t save someone.”

“And because I’m a bad man.”

“Meaning what, Jagger? What makes you such a terrible man that you refuse to allow anyone in your life? The life you led was honorable.”

“You’re wrong, city girl. It was anything but. In my mind, what I was doing was nothing but being given a license to murder people.” She might as well know who she was sleeping with.

“Then you condemn every soldier in every military organization.”

“Not at all,” I told her.

“You can’t have it both ways, Jagger. I have a strong sense that the organization you worked for after your military career ended didn’t necessarily follow all the rules. But you did. Their rules.”

It was like telling me if I was a mafia hitman told to take out an entire restaurant then I got a pass. “More complicated than that.”

“So is just about everyone’s life. I know your surly moods aren’t just about hating people or feeling sorry for yourself. You’re terrified you’re going to hurt them. So what makes you such a terrible man?”

A strangled sound erupted from my throat. “Because I’ve killed enough people to fill up this house. Don’t you get it?”

I wasn’t certain if I expected her to run or to laugh. When she stood, I accepted that learning the truth was too much for her to take. But she surprised me as she’d done so many times, moving to the railing only inches away. “Did you enjoy the kills?”

“No.”

“Did you kill women?”

“Hell, no. Women are meant to be cherished. I would have refused a direct order and left the organization had they asked.”

She seemed relieved at my answer. That put up additional red flags. The bastard had hurt her more than once.

“Do you want to kill again?”

“Only if I felt it was honorable, and I’m no longer certain that’s possible. Maybe now you get what I was trying to tell you.”

“You came to Danger Falls because your father is dying. You didn’t really have to. You were off touring the world, I would imagine in your endeavor to keep democracy intact. But you did. Don’t kid yourself that you’re doing someone a favor other than yourself. And you’re not a bad man, Jagger. You’re one of the best men I’ve ever met in my life.”

Her words sent a chill down my spine. “Then you don’t know me.”

“Not as much as I’d like to.” She tilted her head. “Not nearly as much.”

“You might not like what you find.”

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