Page 105 of For Her Own Good

“—I still wasn’t sure what’s going on aside from it having something to do with Starla. Did you break up?”

“No. I mean…no. Although she might do more than break up with me when she finds out where I am.”

“Didn’t you tell her?”

Yes, it’s the same “you daft arsehole” look that Maeve’s been giving me nearly since we met. And it’s deserved.

“I did not. I didn’t tell her because I need for this right tosser Tad Harding to think we’ve split up until this thing with her father’s company is sorted. The only way he’s going to believe that is if I make it look as though I’ve left, like he scared me off. And I didn’t tell her about Tad because she’s got a lot on her mind right now and if I told her about this sleekit reprobate sniffing around, it’d be too much.”

Maeve raises one of her sculpted brows, unconvinced that I’m not making a royal hash of this. To be fair, neither am I, but I can’t think of any other way.

“It’s not just that, though. This Tad bloke has threatened Starla with some very ugly things. I’m certain no ethical person would take part, but it’s…” It’s none of Maeve’s business why Starla has such an abject devotion to this thing that’s not good for her and she hates, nor why my involvement with Star might contribute to her being forced out of the decision-making process for Patrick Enterprises. So I shake my head. “I take Starla’s safety and happiness very seriously and if I came out here instead of staying there with her, you’ve got to believe I felt like—Ifeellike there’s no other way, like I have no choice. Not for her to come through this whole, anyway. Maybe while I’m here, you could help me understand the actual risk. You know I’ve never had much of a head for business.”

“Do I ever.” She pats my hand fondly, knowing how grateful I am that all of my jobs have handled accounts for me and that I’d never start my own practice out of sheer terror of the finances of it. Yes, you can hire people for such things, but it makes me want to gag thinking about it. Course Starla’s good at those things. Perhaps she’d help me?

Though I’m playing a dangerous game, coming out here. If all goes to plan, Maeve can give me some sound advice to help douse my sizzling nerves, it will look as though Starla and I are no longer together, and Tad won’t be able to use me as leverage.

I don’t know that Starla would ever forgive me for being the reason she lost control of Patrick Enterprises. It’s one thing to do it in a deliberate way that still doesn’t feel good, another entirely for it to be snatched out of her control, and I can’t be responsible for that. Once this Garrett deal is settled—hopefully that will happen quickly—I’ll go back to Boston and be the rock my little girl needs me to be as she reconciles what her father wanted with the person she actually is. If however, it does not…

Starla could believe I’ve abandoned her. Again. Which I haven’t, I wouldn’t, I… Curse these fucking choices I have to make when there isn’t a good option. Only bad ones, only things that are going to hurt my darling girl. She perhaps won’t see it this way, especially not right now, but she will. She has to.

I have some doubts about how she feels about me—namely whether she would want a future with me—but I know with absolute certainty how much her father’s business means to her, how muchhemeant to her. I cannot be to blame for her taking on the heavy mantle of her father’s disappointment yet again, I can’t see her forgiving me for that should it come to pass. While I don’t think she should let a dead man guide her decisions, it sure as hell isn’t up to me, either. She’ll make her choices and I will help her deal with the fallout if she’ll let me.

* * *

Starla

I’d like to claim I don’t know what I ever saw in Tad, but that would be a lie. He’s handsome, older, and so sure of himself—those are the things I liked. Shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. Also, he didn’t ask too much of me, and my father seemed to approve. God knows I like approval. Thirst for it, crave it.

Indeed, I may have texted Lowry on the way here to get a shot of that before my meeting started, but he didn’t respond. Maybe he has an early patient? He’s usually super on the ball about getting back to me unless he’s with a patient. He hadn’t mentioned it to me, but it’s not as though he accounts for every second of every day to me. Nor do I expect him to. I just… Maybe hormones are making me paranoid. Perfect.

Enough fretting about Lowry. I ought to be fretting about the meeting that’s about to start. And Tad. Ugh, Tad. Yeah, I really did think I was…maybe not in love with him exactly, nothing close to the way I feel about Lowry, but I definitely had romantic and sexual feelings toward him.

Now I look at his smug face across the large boardroom table and want to mash it into the platter of muffins and bagels no one will touch, because he’s a condescending Machiavellian dickwad. At least I don’t have to deal with him often, and if things go as I hope, soon I’ll have to deal with him only rarely. Only on occasions when Jerome needs me to make an appearance to shore up our partnership and present concrete evidence of our united front.

The meeting is called to order, and I’m so anxious I want to vomit. Or is that the morning sickness? Whatever it is, I really wish my body would have a fuckingusefulreaction instead of feeling like I’m going to hurl. I mean, shouldn’t this be all fight or flight? Not fight or having an involuntary personal protein spill? How is thathelpful? Dammit.

I clear my throat, hoping nothing comes with it, but I’m safe.

Everyone at the table is looking at me expectantly, and I summon a vision of Lowry, telling me I’m making a good choice. For me, for my father’s legacy, for all of the people who rely on Patrick Enterprises for their livelihood. I am smart, I am capable, and it’s okay for me to let this go, at least a bit so I’m not crushed under the weight of the responsibilities I’d have to assume if I decided to run this company for the long term. I don’t want to, I wouldn’t be good at it. In selling a portion of my shares to Jerome Garrett, I’m making a decision that ensures the long-term prosperity of Patrick Enterprises but also removes a level of responsibility that would be—hell,is—detrimental to my mental health.

“I know everyone has been waiting to see what I’ll do as the newly minted holder of the controlling interest in Patrick Enterprises. After much thought and much discussion with various parties, I’ve come to a decision.”

Breathe, Starla. Just breathe. Because passing out face-first into a tray full of pastries does not inspire confidence.

“Provided that all of the reports return as expected from my lawyers and advisors, I will be selling slightly less than half of my shares to Jerome Garrett of Garrett Industries.”

There’s a collective murmur in the room and the way everyone turns to one another in shock and confusion starts my anxiety spiraling, which conveniently tangles with my depression to make me doubt every decision I’ve ever made. That’s great. But I dredge up my rational brain to try to beat back all of my fears and all the voices yelling terrible things at me. I just have to hold them off for long enough to get through this meeting and then I can have another meltdown.

Would Lowry be willing to skip his workout today and let me cry on his shoulder instead? Maybe meet me at his place so he could do something to make me forget all of this for an hour or so? Center me in my body instead of being all tied up and twisted in my brain? When he’s spanking me, everything is so clear.

“Given the two percent of the stock he already holds, this sale will result in myself holding twenty-six percent of Patrick Enterprises, which still makes me the largest shareholder. Mr. Garrett will then hold twenty-five percent of Patrick Enterprises. After negotiations with Mr. Garrett, we’ve identified common goals for Patrick Enterprises and plan to vote as a bloc when matters come to the board. Which means that between Mr. Garrett and myself, we will maintain control of Patrick Enterprises. Mr. Garrett will be more involved in regular decision-making, however I will be apprised of any major changes and I will meet with him regularly to ensure that he is steering the Patrick Enterprises ship on a course that my father would have approved of.”

The murmur has grown to a dull roar and my face is burning, but I press on because this is the informed, educated decision I have made and I won’t be made to feel as though I’m small Starla Patrick who used to play under the boardroom table who should only be in charge of my paper and crayons, perhaps a doll.

“This sale doesn’t require the board’s approval, I’m fully within my rights to make this decision unilaterally. I’m informing you as a courtesy, and as I said before, this sale will only happen provided I can settle an agreement to my satisfaction with Mr. Garrett. My lawyers are currently reviewing the contract and should be done by this evening. Should Mr. Garrett renege on the tenets we have discussed, the sale will not go through. I’m not taking any questions at the moment, but please send any concerns you have to my attorneys. I’ll circulate the agreement to the board as soon as the details have been finalized.”

I feel as though I’m going to die, but other than that, everything’s fine. Yep, totally fine. Given that no one’s thrown anything or set the place on fire, I’d say that went pretty well. Now if only I could guarantee that I’m not going to start hyperventilating at any second.

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