Page 63 of For Her Own Good

“Yeah, that’s different.” And now I’m wary. The shrimp is still incredible, though, so I’ll focus on that. “But is that a thing people do? Not ask questions because they feel like they’ve asked enough questions already? Or is this a you-thinking-I’m-fragile kind of thing?”

“You’re fragile like a tank, little girl. I prefer to think of it as being respectful because it’s emotionally taxing to talk about difficult things.”

“And this is going to be difficult?”

He shrugs and spears his chopsticks into the box of lo mein. “Might be. Or maybe it’s fine. I don’t know. But I could imagine how it would be a sensitive topic.”

“Will you go ahead? I’ll tell you to shush your face if I don’t want to talk about it.”

“All right, then. Have you always thought of yourself as kinky?”

Sure, let’s dive into the deep end of the pool. Although now that he knows about the daddy kink thing, the rest of this is more academic, not nearly as stomach-churning.

“I guess so. For as long as I’ve known that was a thing, anyway. I knew I always felt like the love I saw in movies and on TV and stuff wasn’t quite right, that it was…missing something isn’t it exactly, but it was like everyone around me was satisfied by it but it didn’t taste right to me? And when I learned what kink was it was like, ‘Oh, yes, that!’ I know labels aren’t always great, but sometimes they’re helpful.”

“The World Health Organization and the American Psychiatric Association agree with you. Although I’d argue they’re a bit overzealous.”

He’s such a nerd.

“Was that it? Or do you have more questions?”

“I have so many questions. And I’d get a beer, but I’ve heard playing after drinking is frowned upon.”

I shrug. “It’s like driving. You can have a single drink and then play, but yeah, being any kind of intoxicated is bad news. That whole consent thing kind of goes out the window, and if you’re doing impact play, you want to have your reflexes and hand-eye coordination at their best, you know? If you want one, there’s a mixed six-pack of Brew Dog in the fridge.”

It starts out as a nod but turns into a cock of his head. “You got me Scottish beer?”

“I did. You said your brothers liked this brewery and you wanted to try it but it was hard to find around here. If it can be had, I can have it. So, I have it for you.”

That’s one of the other things I like about Lowry. He’s never tried to take advantage of my wealth. We take turns paying for dinner and otherwise don’t talk about money much. Which is wild amounts of privilege, I know, but when you have that privilege, it’s nice to feel wanted for other things.

He goes and fetches a beer from the fridge and cracks the can, taking a first sip before dropping back into his chair.

“Ah, I can see why Alex likes this one. It’s not subtle, just like him.”

I’ve heard a little about Lowry’s brothers, know he’s the oldest, have seen a couple of pictures of the four of them lined up with their ginger hair. I’m perhaps biased, but I think Lowry is the best-looking. His brothers, however curious I am to meet them, aren’t the point.

“Now that you’re fortified, did you have other questions?”

“This daddy kink of yours…”

I’d like to point out that I’m not the only one sitting here with my daddy kink. Lowry’s obviously got a daddy kink as well, just from the other side of things. But I’ll let it slide because as he’s said, he’s new to this. He might not identify that way yet and that’s fine.

“Do you feel like it comes from somewhere or you’re hardwired that way?”

“I’ve thought about this a lot, actually, and I’ve come to the pretty firm conclusion that it doesn’t matter.”

He opens his mouth, no doubt an apology on the tip of his tongue, but I don’t need an apology. It’s a reasonable question, if not a particularly useful one.

“I mean, do I have daddy issues? Probably. But it’s not like I can tell how much of my kinks are from where. I’m pretty sure I would’ve been kinky no matter what. I feel like most people who are into kink would be, no matter how or where they grew up. For some people it’s nurture, sure. But I’d bet mostly it’s nature. I do think, though, that nurture can have something to do with how people’s kinks and fetishes manifest. I feel like there’s some shit people can’t touch because of how they were raised and there are also things they like because of it.”

He’s listening as intently as he ever has to me, and I’ve got to wonder if he’s itching to make notes. If he is, he covers it with another sip of his beer, so I continue.

“I mean, I suspect I’d probably enjoy a lot of the physical things that I do, like the impact play. And being a bottom. But as for the daddy stuff, kinda hard to say. Maybe things would’ve been different if I hadn’t desperately craved my father’s approval and attention, but I did.” Still do, which is kind of fucked up and not something we need to discuss at the moment, if ever, so I press on. “And maybe that has something to do with how I like to play or maybe not. I can tell you there are people who enjoy role-playing incest scenarios as if they were fucking their actual parent and that’s not what I like. If anything, I crave what I didn’t have, not what I did. I mean, can you imagine me calling my fatherdaddy?”

Chapter 21

Lowry

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