Page 40 of Beg, Borrow, or Steal

“Okay, first of all, stop gawking at me, the both of you. You’re making me feel like a stripper. And second, I wear pretty lingerie for me. Not men.” I huff a laugh. “It’s wasted on men, in fact. They take two seconds at best to say…Sexy,and then that’s it. It’s on the floor. I swear that cotton Fruit of the Loom would produce the same outcome.” I pull the dress up and slide my arms into the cap sleeves.

“She’s an icon, people,” Amelia states with a smile.

The zipper is on the side of this dress, so I’m able to fasten it myself. Of course my boobs are spilling over the top a little, but I’m surprised to see that it fits me to near perfection. The bodice is tight with a sweetheart neckline, delicate little cap sleeves, and a full flounced skirt that stops just below my knees. Next I slide into the velvet red heels, and they’re a little snugger than I’d prefer but they work.

“Okay, this experiment did not work in my favor,” says Amelia.

“Not fair, Emily. The dress even matches your lipstick and nail polish. I should have given you the lime green.”

“Ladies, jealousy is not becoming in a woman,” I say with a soft smile. “Now who’s in the mood for pot roast?” I say in my best 1950s impression of a housewife. “Jim, darling, will be home soon and I made a coconut cream pie that’s to die for!” I pick up a pen and pretend to take a sophisticated drag off it and blow out imaginary smoke. “Of course, he gets a little handsy so you won’t want to stand too close to him, but who can blame the appetites of men?” We all three titter a slightly hysteric laugh.

“Boys will be boys!” Amelia croons.

“True—but nothing a little poison in his cocktail won’t fix!” Annie says with a bright smile. Amelia and I stare at her with wide eyes and slack jaws. “What? Too much?” Her face flushes. “I was just—”

We erupt in laughter. “Never too much, Anna-banana! I love this side of you. I’m just sad Maddie wasn’t here to witness it too. She would have peed herself laughing,” I say to my normally cherub-hearted sister.

Apparently I shouldn’t have made that comment. Annie’s eyes take on a serious look. “Are you doing okay without her here?” It’s not that Annie doesn’t miss Madison too, but she’s never been as close to her as I am.

Amelia piggybacks off Annie’s question. “I’m sorry she couldn’t come back like y’all planned. I’m sure you were really disappointed.”

Their probing questions have me taking such deep breaths that my cleavage swells over the neckline of my dress. I would rather be waterboarded than have someone ask me if I’m okay.Especially when my answer is no.

Memories of last night slip like a hazy fever dream through my mind. Feeling so sad and lonely that I drank myself into an emotional wreck. Jack holding me in the kitchen. Cleaning the dirt from my elbows and knees. Me sobbing at the table, and him assuring me that my life would go on. My grief and loneliness ebbed a little after those tears. After his touch.

I put my pen-cigarette to my mouth, drag it in, and then tilt my chin up to blow out a long puff. When I look at them again, I am the Emily they know and love. The one who isn’t spiraling internally. The one who would do anything, sacrifice everything for them. The one who has an entire secret schedule planned out for this night, that I never told them about but I’m sure everyoneknows I made anyway. I like to make sure things keep moving so there are no lulls, even on girls’ night.

“Of course I’m okay. Without having to host, it just gives me more time to hide Jim’s body before the cops find out.”

We spend the next half hour talking about life (right on schedule). Amelia’s mom has to have minor surgery, and she’s going home to help take care of her for a few days. Annie is providing flowers for another celebrity wedding that’s happening in Nashville next weekend. (Her business has really taken off after word got out that her shop did the flowers for Rae Rose’s wedding.) And when it’s my turn to share, I bypass it by getting them a fresh glass of wine and refilling my water. (Because just the sight of alcohol today is making me feel like vomiting.)

“What’s next on the itinerary, Em?” Annie asks, with a grin.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say in a coy tone. “But hypothetically, if I did have a spectacular schedule for the night, it would be time for a movie.”

“Which one tonight?”

“Sweet Home Alabama?”

“What?Not an Audrey movie? It’s girls’ night!”

We accidentally stumbled on this tradition of watching an Audrey Hepburn movie for girls’ night when Amelia first came to town. She’s the president of our little club because she’s been obsessed with Audrey since she was a girl and taught us to fall in love with the queen of classic movies as well.

“No—we can’t,” I say firmly. “It would be wrong to watch it without Maddie.”

“She’d understand, though.” Annie sips her wine. “She doesn’t expect us to stop our lives just because she’s—”

“No, Annie. Not without Maddie.” My voice comes out harsher than I intend, and when I see Annie shrink into herself, Iimmediately feel like the horrible villain in a cartoon that somehow grows double in size and absorbs all the light in the room with her darkness. I soften my tone. “I’m sorry. How about a Doris Day film instead if y’all are craving a classic?”

They murmur their agreement, but I can tell they’re not happy about it.

However, just as we’re startingPillow Talk,a familiar hammering begins next door.

Amelia pauses the movie and looks at me. “He’s still over there? I thought you were getting rid of him.”

I stand up from the couch and smooth out the skirt of my dress. “I’ll…be right back.”

—

---